Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line: FunnyBusiness

Just Do It

Haitians have a term for the secondhand clothing and stuff we send to them. They call them Kennedys.  In Tracy Kidder's Mountains Beyond Mountains( this month's book club selection)  Kidder explains the term has been around since the 1960s when President Kennedy sponsored a program sending machine oil to the impoverished country.

"The Haitians tried to use the oil for other purposes, such as cooking, and concluded that the gift was of inferior quality. Ever since, the president's name has been synonymous here with secondhand and shoddy goods."

Not surprisingly many of today's Kennedys show up  as left over  branded clothing.  From running shoes "that have seen a better day" to logoed T-shirts and baseball caps, we are providing Haitians with more than needed clothing--we are providing them with a deep insight into our branded culture.

Given the amount of branded stuff we are sending them, its no wonder that Kidder saw this

"There was a young worker at Zanmi Lasante who wore a new-looking , Haitian-style straw hat on which he or his wife had sewn a homemade piece of cloth that read NIKE."

Blame it on the Developer

By 7:00 AM,  Paula Baldwin, manager of public relations for Best Buy, had an email full of flags (no pun intended) requesting information about a Best Buy on RTE 3 in New Jersey that apparently was flying a tattered American Flag.

I called before she had had an opportunity to open any of the emails to find out what the flap was all about.

I told her. She said she would get back to me in 5 minutes. She got back to me in about 10.

The flag that was flying about 60 feet in the air right next to the Best Buy sign on RTE 3 became the object of attention this morning on MSNBC.

Don Imus, who simulcasts on both MSNBC and radio stations throughout the country, mentioned that ever since he had been doing the show from the MSNBC studios he had noticed that this flag was tattered.

Imus was not amused. While he did say he was not sure whether the flag was on Best Buy property he added, " "Isn't it against the law to fly a tattered flag?"

The more he got to thinking about it, the more annoyed he got. And so, he sent a camera crew out to show the TV audience exactly what the flag looked like.

It was a sad flag. Many would say it was a disgrace.

According to Imus and side kick Charles McCord,  this flag didn't just become tattered. It's been in a state of tatter for quite some time.

Imus suggested that Best Buy spend less time buying stuff manufactured overseas and spend more time respecting the American Flag.

Turns out the tattered flag is not on Best Buy property. According to Baldwin, Best Buy rents all of its property from development companies, and the flag belongs to the developers. The flag is their responsibility.

"Nevertheless", Baldwin said, "Best Buy is taking the flag down today and putting up a new one."

Asked who the developer is, Baldwin said that she didn't know.

Here's the thing.  Don Imus couldn't have been the only person who noticed the tattered flag. Given its location, it would be easy to assume that the flag belonged to Best Buy.

So given that scenario, why wasn't the staff of the Best Buy on RTE 3 concerned that a tattered American Flag was flying next to their name?

Didn't it occur to anyone working in this New Jersey store that it would not be a good thing for their company's image to be flying a flag in that awful condition?

Did they make calls to the developer and did the developer simply ignore their requests for a new flag?

And certainly Don Imus was not the only person who drives past that Best Buy every day to notice the flag was tattered. Did Best Buy get complaints? If they did,did they refer them to the developer?

It's great that the flag is being replaced. It would also be great to understand why it took Don Imus to get them to do it.

Cash Register Aerobics

"Sorry," said Zack. "I can't ring you up on this cash register. The club changed computer systems last week, and we're only allowed to use the cash register we're assigned to."

So even though the cash register Zach was standing next to was unoccupied, he couldn't use it.

Instead, he had to take my money, walk about 75 feet to the far end of the snack bar, ring up my order, walk back to the front of the snack area to  give me my change.

While the extra steps were probably good for Zach's health...adding at least 100 steps per transaction to the recommended goal of 10,000 steps a day, it added a good minute to my transaction.

Which wouldn't have been a bad thing, if there hadn't been five people in front of me in the line. So while Zach was piling on the steps and as the fifth person in line, this new policy meant it took an additional five minutes to get my non-fat medium cappuccino with a half shot of sugar free vanilla.

Since 95 percent of all customers placed their orders on my side of the snack bar, Zach was facing a lot of walking back and forth.

Zach was not a happy camper.

"So, why are you only allowed to use one specific cash register?" I asked.

Zach shrugged his shoulders, "They didn't tell us. It's just a new policy."

I wanted to know why the health club instituted the new computer/cash register policy, so I contacted the club manager. When I explained why I was calling, he very politely told me that he didn't care to discuss the new software, on or off the record.

For the next couple of days, I played the corporate version of Hot Potato. No one, but no one, wanted to talk about the new computer/cash register policy. Judging by their reaction you'd think I was trying to uncover a major corporate scandal. I just wanted to talk to them about their new software.

First, I tried to contact the home office of the health club, based in Denver. Denver said they knew nothing about the new computer system since it's not a corporate-wide change and referred me back to Minneapolis.

The local club spokesperson then assured me that the snack bar in my club is run by an outside organization; thus, the club really has nothing to do with the outside vendor's policies and procedures.

When I pointed out that the staff indicated that the new policy was club-wide, not just at the snack bar, the spokesperson suggested that I talk to the club's general manager. At that point I mentioned that he had already declined my offer to discuss the new computer system.

The Minneapolis spokesperson then offered to call the club manager and find out why he was being tight-lipped. Within 20 minutes she returned my call, saying the manager didn't want to talk to me because he was concerned I was going to make fun of the new policy.

"Well," I said. "He's right. I am laughing about it. Just go to the snack bar and you'll either laugh or cry at the insanity of making those people walk back and forth to ring up a sale."

With or without input from club officials, I can make some fairly safe assumptions about the one computer/cash register per employee policy. If they were having some problems with theft, or they were finding continuous mistakes, having an ability to track an employee's activities would be very helpful.

But, it's like kitchens. When I was growing up, my mom loved to visit new houses. While some people might judge a house by its entryway, windows or family room, my mother judges houses by kitchens. Very few received the Hanna Centor Seal of Approval.

Most of the time, she would leave the kitchen saying, "You can tell the architect was a man." That was code for, "The guy who designed the kitchen never spent much time cooking in the kitchen, or he would have known better."

So it goes with many new policies. If the people who designed the computer program actually spent some time seeing how it would be used, they might have observed there would be a "red flag" during snack bar implementation. They obviously didn't do that.

By the next week the cashiers had figured out a workaround. They were just sharing their employee IDs to use each other cash registers.

The bastardization of the centaur

Just when you think there isn't another thing to say about the "low interest category" of the stapler, turns out there is. Today's stapler installment focuses on the European Stapler trends and uses.

Europeans buy and use staplers quite differently than those of us who inhabit the 48 contiguous + 2.

 Viva La Difference!

• Europeans don't go to the store to buy staplers - they buy them out of a catalog
• Europeans don't leave the staplers on the desk when they staple - they pick them up and staple in their hands explaining why Europeans typically staple fewer pages together than the Yanks
• European staplers house half as many staples as the American counterpart but they are still sold in boxes of 500
• European staplers outside of the UK have a plier-like design
• Almost every country in Europe has its own size staple which means if you are working in Hungary with your Italian stapler you better bring your own supply

My interest in the European  stapler goes back two weeks. That's when I discovered the Centor Stapler.  It caught my eye because, typically, I don't find products that share my namesake. Especially desk porducts.

What I found more unusual is that the Centor Stapler was part of a product line that included Odyssey, Ulyssey, Matador, Sirius and Jupiter.

"So," I asked Vlad Levitksy, ACCO European Product Manager
for Stapling," Do people in the UK go into stores and ask for a
Centor Stapler?"

Levitsky, " People in the UK do their stapler shopping via catalog. So we created names to make it easier for them to shop."

Added Vlad, " The office super store hasn't made it big over here."

Okay, but I still didn't understand where in the world they came up with the name Centor.  " Hey Vlad, " I asked, " Does Centor mean something in the UK that it doesn't  mean here?"

Oh, the moment of sweet truth. Vlad explained that the company had decided to go with a mythical theme for their stapler names (to make it easier when ordering from the catalog). ACCO wanted to name it the Centaur, but found that it would be too difficult to trademark.

"We came up with Centor because it's close to Centaur, and there are no trademark issues." Vlad confirmed, " It's just a bastardization of centaur."

So much for my last name. Might I possibly interest you in an Elana candy bar? 

The Hip Bone is connected to the...

The question of the day is --If you see a major national magazine using the same headline for a story that you've used in your blog is it just sweet synchronicity or something else?

Since the age of 14 I have the ridiculous habit of stepping on my scale every single morning.  Okay, it's not just one step. I'm one of those who multi-step, move the scale around, shift my weight until I get the best possible reading.

As anyone will tell you, this is not an effective  weight control method.

That hasn't stopped me.

Now I have a new daily ritual.

I scoot over to the TypePad View Visitor Stats and Referrers  multiple times during the day to check out three things. I think this makes me a serial checker.

I want to know how many people are visiting my blog( in this case I want to see those number increase unlike my scale where I always want to see the numbers decrease).

I also like to see what posts people seem to be reading and where they are coming from--by far the most people find me on Google.

So that's how I found the Centor Stapler. Someone had found this blog by searching for Centor on Google and when the page popped up I not only found what appears to be a very successful door manufacturing firm in Brisbane, and my cousin Larry's Comic Book Business but I also found this very cute stapler. 

In the logo, The "N" in Centor is a vertical stapler . Very nice touch.The promo promises that the Centor is designed for comfort and versatility and that it's easy to pick up.

Do folks in the UK call this piece of office equipment, Centor? What kind of name is that for a stapler? Does Centor mean something that I don't know it means?

Of course the irony of all this is that I have had somewhat of a fascination with all thing staplers -- which I have documented in this blog. First I wrote about my preference for colored in staples. Then, I wrote a piece on January 14th for the  Chicago Tribune on the trends in Staplers. ( I'd link but the article is in the archives). I followed that piece up with a post on this blog called Stapler Wars.

Lo and behold when I typed in Stapler Wars on Google I found that TIME magazine had also run a piece in March that they called Stapler Wars.

Is that a sweet syncronicity or what?  Perhaps it's a what.  Whatever.

If imitation is the highest form of flattery I will just say, Thank you TIME, you've made my day.

Looking For A Job When Your Name Is Hittler

Years ago my friend Larry, who owns a printing company in St. Louis, got a job application for a sales position by an applicant named Hittler, pronounced Hitler.

Larry liked the guy.During the  job interview process he asked Hittler about his name.

Hittler told Larry that his family had been in the US since the 1800’s. While some cousins had changed their names,Hittler said he wanted the same name as his grandfather and father.

Larry replied,  “Good answer!”

Larry eventually hired him but not before chatting with his Rabbi about his discomfort in hiring a guy named Hittler.

Larry didn’t want to discriminate simply because prior to Osama Bin Laden this guy had the most heinous and vilified name in the world. On the other hand, Larry was concerned how clients would react to a salesman named Hittler.

Hittler's desire to have the same name as his father and grandfather even though he has to spend his entire life answering questions whether or not he's related to the other Hitler is absolutely baffling to me.

I do not have any deep emotional ties to my patronymic name. I come from a family of serial name –changers. In my family we’re not even sure what the European spelling of our original name was. Maybe it was Zentaura Maybe it was Sentaura. Once my grandfather did the Ellis Island thing, the name was either changed to Sentaur or Century, and then later to Centor.

I’ve had names on the brain for the past week. It started with seeing the Galyan’s Trading Company signed switched to Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Despite the fact that the spokespeople for Dick’s Sporting Goods and Dick’s Drive-In Restaurants both told me that they simply ignore the fact that their name is now a “bad” word, it was hard for me to understand why they would insist on keeping the name.

Then I interviewed Amy Arias, owner of a company called Mosquito. Amy and I were chatting for an article I’m working on for Women’s Business Minnesota. About 45 minutes into the interview I asked the question,

“Okay, why Mosquito?”

Amy’s response, “It’s fun, sophisticated, and memorable.” Then Amy said something that made me think about all the businesses throughout the country that call themselves Dick’s, “Not everyone likes our name, but everyone remembers it,” she said laughing.

It was an aha! moment. For the past week I’ve been thinking about all the reasons a business would not want to call themselves Dick’s. What I failed to think about was all the reasons a business would want to call themselves Dick’s.

You may not like the name Dick’s, but you won’t forget it. As for our sales rep, Mr. Hittler, his name was a definite ice-breaker. That's a good thing when you’re in sales.

Rather than hurting my friend’s business, Mr. Hittler probably helped. After all, if you got a voice-mail from a sales rep named Hittler, wouldn’t you return the call?

Life's Little Indulgences: The Business Essentials Category

It was a simple request. The customer service representative for my wireless phone wanted me to get a paper clip to restart my Blackberry. It wouldn't  have been a problem, except I was all out of paper clips. Fortunately, I had a left over stylus from my Palm Pilot days and I was able to perform the reset.

Paper clips, like staples are part of the business essential category. They are not exactly the sexiest products on the market. And, when you are a one-person shop, your need for purchasing these business essentials is not all that frequent.

In fact, I think the last time I purchased paper clips was before the millennium. And as far as staples go, I think I currently have enough to get me through retirement. I’m not a heavy user of staples or paper clips.

But when I do purchase paperclips I buy the colored variety. Same with staples. Call it making a statement about creativity or individuality, I like using the colored versions of these business essentials more than the standard gray versions. The traditional clips and staples are boring. Boring is something I don’t want associated with my work.

Marketers of these business essentials tell me that the colored products are geared to the juvenile market. As far as market share goes, they only represent 4-8% of their perspective categories. I wasn't sure whether I should be offended or bemused that I am so attached to products intended for the elementary school crowd. But, like the kids, I think its more fun to use colored paper clips and staples.

Maybe that's why more businesses don't use the colored business essentials. They are too much fun and few businesses want to be perceived as being playful. It could also have something to do with the bottom line.

The colored business essentials do cost about twice as much as their more sober counterparts. The pricing strategy works like this. A packet of colored staples costs the same as a package of the regular kind, but you only get half as many. Same with the paper clips. Of course, at the price point for paper clips and staples, you’re not exactly breaking the bank when you indulge. A pack of 500 colored clips costs about $2.59 at Office Max online, while a pack of 100 of the standard kind start at 39¢.

For colored staples, you can purchase 2000 of the colored variety for $1.99 while the regular staples cost $2.69 for a package of 5000.

While the makers of the colored staples don’t even pretend that the color version has a sales benefit – the description says they are great for color coding and crafts, the vinyl colored paper clips are positioned as a better product. The product description copy reads, “Vinyl paper clips protect your paper from snags and tear the regular paper clips do not. The vinyl covering increases the grip on the document, and the assorted vibrant colors give documents more character.”

The desire for adding color doesn’t stop with paper clips and staples, many iPod devotees are turning to Colorware Computer Products to transform their all white MP3 players into one of twenty colors. The custom color job costs about $49. For $99, the company will create a custom look.

Business is booming according to Lars Rasmussen. “We are building a second building and many businesses are now having us put their logos on the iPods and they are giving them away as sales promotion gifts."  If this trend continues, just imagine what the next election cycle will be like. Forget the lawn signs, buttons and bumper stickers, you can show your support with a presidential candidate iPod.

Colorware Computer Products got its start because its owners were bored with the then standard white PCs. That was five years ago. About 18 months ago, they decided to offer custom coloring for iPods. Says Rasmussen, “Having a custom color on an iPod is a way for someone to express their individuality.”

At $49 a pop, it’s a bit more expensive than indulging in colored paper clips to express your individuality,  but it is less indulgent than a month’s worth of double shot skim lattés.

P.S. Went to Target yesterday and picked up some paper clips. Got 230 colored vinyl ones, should last for a few years. Couldn’t resist the new colored geometric paper clips. I got 48 of purple, green, red and blue, circles, triangles and squares. Didn’t look at the price when I put them in my cart.  The receipt says paper clips for $1.99 and paper clips for 99¢. Not sure which is which, but does it really matter? They make me smile.

Image Credit: Flickr member Hoobygroovy