Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line: FunnyBusiness

Could you include a toothpick with that LG VX8700 Mobile Phone?

I'm just saying that I still haven't figured out a technique to open the cover for my charger/headset connection with out the aid of a toothpick.

It's been four weeks. At first I thought the phone had a hidden mini stylus like my old Palm. No hidden stylus.

Then  I thought that maybe I had to break in the phone and once the hinge had been opened and closed a couple of times I would be able to handle the device without utensils.

No such luck.

I need me a toothpick every time.

It seems I may be the only person who is challenged in this area because in all the reviews of this product --and most are very glowing, no one has mentioned this design flaw.

How can it be that I am the only living human being that is  not capable of lifting this cover without a toothpick?

Do you know how easy it is to misplace a toothpick when you need it?

AT&T sends iPhone Bills in A Box

Amy Gahran at Contentious is definitely not an early adopter when it comes to smart phones. She doesn't own one. She doesn't like to talk on the phone. So now she has decided its time to get a Smart Phone. You can read about her search  here.  She was leaning towards the iPhone until she saw this.

As the video shares, At&T customers can opt to view their bills online and avoid the monthly package. Justine's bill cost AT&T almost $10 to send. 

What could justify a 300 -page  bill?  AT&T evidently details every single access point including TXT messages. Justine sends around 30,000 TXT messages a month. To quote Amy Gahran "Yikes!"

Over at YouTube there is a video of a news story on these boxed bills with one consumer -- who got a 40 page bill-- saying that he saw some benefits particularly if he had kids and they were txting at 2:00 in the morning.

Amy, if you opt for that iPhone you can get summary billing and of course e-billing.

One word of advice, when I switched to my smart phone several years ago I assumed I would use it for all my communication needs. But Smart Phones may be great at sending emails, and having a dynamic calendar, I have found them less than comfy to talk on. That's why I have a Blackberry and a traditional phone.

So as you hunt, don't give up that cell phone so fast. You may want to consider opting for the "family plan" where you can add a line for $10 a month.  That may sound irritating but  after a month of trying to have a conversation on a smart phone you will yearn for your   Tracfone.

Radio Shack's 1988 Catalogue featuring that new fangled cellular phone

    Shares of Radio Shack closed at a little under $18 a share yesterday -- that's a far cry from its high in 2000 of around $75 a share.

While the stock may not be resurging, there has been a lot of Internet traffic for old Radio Shack catalogs and TV spots.

Someone posted a series of pages from a 1988 RadioShack catalog on Fark.com and over 30,000 people have clicked through to see these bargains where you can buy a cellular phone for $1499 and a  TANDY 3000HL which "provides the power and expandability you need to create an efficient MS-DOS based computer system for less".  It had 512K RAM with an expandable memory slot of 4MB.

Over at YouTube you can watch a series of  nostalgic RadioShack commercials  like this one promoting a  car phone. Circa 1988. 

McVirus,McLaw Suit,McGadget, McSales

It feels like the vacuum cleaner phenomenon.That's when you need to buy a new vacuum cleaner, open up the paper( if you still get a hard copy of the paper)and voila..there is a vacuum cleaner sale. Now what you learn in an advertising class is that vacuum cleaner sale ad has probably been there for months but until you need the vacuum cleaner you never saw the ad before. That's how I feel about all the bizarre stuff I found about McDonalds this week. Some of it just happened last week, some a month ago..it was all new to me.

First, there's the contaminated MP3 player.

Under the category that you can't win for losing, McDonald's Japan has issued a recall of some 10,000 MP3 Players it gave away as part of a promotion. As reported in the Register

"Punters received the contaminated gift after purchasing a large drink form the fast-food chain in Japan and submitting a serial number contained on the beverage holder as part of a competition, sponsored by McDonalds and Coca-cola. Users who connected the McDonald's-branded MP3 player to their Windows PC were exposed to spyware code programmed to transmit their web passwords and other sensitive information to hackers. The cause of the accidental infection is unclear but past experience suggests a contaminated machine involved in loading content onto the players is the likely culprit."

Then there's the judge who reversed himself and said two teenage girls could sue McDonald's for making them fat because of misleading advertising. ABC's John Stossel is not amused about the case that is now entering its fourth year.

"Whatever happened to self-responsibility? Sure, McDonald's commercials put the best spin on its products. All advertisers do that. Individuals should exercise caution, and parents should teach their kids a little skepticism. It's not as if information about nutrition is hard to come by. Today we're constantly harangued about cutting calories, reducing fat, and exercising more. McDonald's competitors, such as Subway, provide lots of counter-information. You'd have to live in a cave not to know about this stuff.

Fast food doesn't have to make you fat. Soso Whaley of New Hampshire once ate only at McDonald's for a month. The result? Unlike the guy who did the "Super Size Me" documentary, Soso lost 10 pounds, and her cholesterol dropped 40 points. How? She didn't pig out. Low-carb dieters have lost weight at McDonald's by eating the burgers without the buns and skipping the fries."

Speaking of informing  customers  about nutrition, Customers in McDonald's Japan ( yes those same customers who got the infected MP3 players) can scan their food with a gadget that displays nutritional info on their cell phones.

Known as a QR Code, these printed codes look somewhat like a barcode and are scannable by many photo cellphones. All sorts of information can be packed into these little codes, from the website to find the amount of calories and fat in a Big Mac to a company’s contact information on a business card.

Meanwhile, despite all the turmoil, business has never been better.

After months or declining sales and despite a good deal of negative publicity, McDonald's announced that they hit a six year high in sales both in the US and abroad, with the best performances from stores in the UK. The company cites in increase in healthier menu items, including salads and less fattening kids' choices. At UK restaurants, the new options include deli sandwiches, free-range eggs, more fruit and beef that is only "from the forequarter or flank of a cow."

P.S. In case you missed this in May ( I did), McDonald's is also undergoing an extreme McMakeover which will include cozy couches, WiFi, plasma TVs and premium Coffee. Think of it as the Starbuckization of McDonald's.

"After 30 years without a major design overhaul, the 51-year-old fast-food giant is adopting a hip new look. The world's largest hamburger chain is redesigning its 30,000 eateries around the globe in a 21st century makeover of unprecedented scale.

The redesign is risky and has many franchisees up in arms over the high costs of a makeover. But company officials believe the overhaul is needed. McDonald's, whose restaurants are visited by more than 40 million people every day, has moved aggressively over the past three years to revamp its menu and attract a new breed of customer."

While customers may enjoy the change, the franchisees are less than enthused. It will cost them around $300,000 to make the change. This is not an optional change. The only way to stay part of the McDonald's family is to order that cozy couch.

Filing an insurance claim can be risky business

"I'd found this flyer in a women's magazine in South Africa. It details the benefits of women-specific insurance, such as road-side assistance, and accidental HIV exposure medication. I thought, "Why is HIV medicine part of car insurance?" It was explained that carjacking and rape isn't all that uncommon. Yikes," wrote Flickr  member Squishy underneath this photo.

If Squishy  lived  in the U.S. and opted to purchase that road side assistance it could end up being one of the very expensive decisions she ever made. On the surface adding this to your insurance is a money saver. Insurance companies just charge about $10 a year for the add-on. Auto clubs like AAA can charge anywhere from $50-$100 a year.

While any financial adviser will tell you that living without insurance is very risky business, any one who has wanted to file a claim for a small item knows that insurance agencies keep track of  the number of claims you file in any given year. Their advice: If it's under $2,000, pay it out of your pocket.

Depending on the firm, it's three strikes and you are out. As Diana Ransom writes in this free area of the WSJ by calling for a tow or jump-start through your insurer, you run the risk of increasing your insurance premiums and possibly lowering your eligibility for future coverage.

"...many auto insurers -- including giants State Farm and Allstate -- typically treat these calls as claims, which the insurers may report to data-collection companies and which get used to determine premiums and decide whether or not to cover new applicants.

"We take all claims into account when we are trying to measure the cost of making a promise," says State Farm spokesman Dick Luedke. But he and an Allstate spokesman say their companies don't weigh roadside-assistance claims as heavily as accident claims.

How bad can it get? At The Newspaper.com, a website devoted to the "politics of driving" reports that insurance companies are raising the rates for people who lock their keys in their  cars or file claims under their road side assistance benefit.

Several insurance companies, for example, refused to cover Andrea Davis, 31, after she had two flat tires and locked her keys inside her 1999 Isuzu Rodeo. Davis learned her old insurance company, Geico, had reported her three claims to CLUE. Davis paid Geico $12 a year for roadside assistance, but the company never disclosed that using flat tire assistance would raise rates.

Chances are those companies checked out Ms.Davis in a little known database called  CLUE.

"The CLUE report and the insurance scoring system are tools insurers use to decide your risk profile, that is, how likely you are to file a claim against your policy. Insurers feed information about paid claims - perhaps even your inquiries about coverage that do not result in a claim - into a national database for use by insurers. Information included in the database, along with your insurance score, makes up your risk profile. Insurers use the profile to decide whether you get new insurance. At renewal time, your current insurer will probably review your claims history as well as your current insurance score to set your premiums - even to decide if you get to keep the insurance you have. When you shop for new insurance, the company may order a CLUE report. If information is inaccurate, you can be left without insurance while you work to correct the errors."

It's not just auto insurance of course. The same theory applies to homeowners insurance and of course if you pay that $5.95extra  each month to insure your mobile phone.

Beware. These policies really only allow one claim a year. Once you file two claims in a 12 month period, your insurance  on that phone number is suspended for 12 months.

What does that mean? Well, let's say you file two claims on a regular phone,  Your  insurance will be suspended for that phone number for 12 months. If you buy a new phone...let's say you want to upgrade to a smart-phone that costs $400, you will not be able to get insurance on that phone.

If you think you can add the insurance on the new  expensive model once your 12 months of suspension is lifted, think again.  You can only put insurance on a phone with 15 days of the sale. Gotcha.

Hat Tip to FAST COMPANY Blog"Guess Mom was right.Nothing is as good as it seems."

On The Road To BlogHer-First Stop Atlanta aka What's with all these supersized electrical plugs?

On any given business trip there are a certain amount of electronics that accompany me. Can anyone explain why we have to have such big honking plugs? Unless you travel with a power strip ( which didn't occur to me until this very second)   you have to use a divide and conquer strategy for plugging in all your stuff in the hotel room because  these plugs --or are they adapters ( and what is the difference?)won't share a standard two plug outlet...they're TOO BIG.

A few months ago I purchased this iGo adapter.    I use it for my blackberry. The idea is that you you can use I adapter and then change the tip for your various electronic devices.Which is a great concept except when you need to charge two devices at the same time. Say when you need to charge your blackberry at the same time you want to listen to your iPod.

Along for the trip is my adapter for my Sony mini recorder. I detest this adapter/plug. It will only fit in the bottom outlet. The prongs fold when its not in use.I guess the idea is for easy packing but it takes a tool to pry out the prongs from their resting position and then when you think you have it good to go, it snaps back into the resting position. Who has time for this?

And, then there is the  plug for my RAZR(so I could take these pictures). I can charge my blackberry with this charger but I can't  charge my RAZR with  my Blackberry  plug.

Last but not least the plug/adapter for my laptop. It has stuff coming and going from both ends.

If I hadn't lost the plug to my portable speakers to listen to my iPod  when I moved in October I would have brought that along as well.

In the short-term since hotels can't offer more outlets,  I want hotels to offer powerstrips.  In the near future I want everything to go wireless. No more plugs. No more long cords.  I want to take one standard Bluetooth mega charging thing ( that is small and cute and easy to pack) and then I want to be able to charge everything from that one source.

Where are the Jetsons when you need them?

Lost in Translation

As frustrated as I get talking to folks at call centers in India -- and it is a frustrating experience 90% of the time-- it is still better than trying to deal with companies who just don't think its important to give customers the option of a phone call.

Just today I wanted to try a new software called Notepager,I discovered it at a blog called Small Business Software which is run by the parent company of Notepager.

The concept sounds great. You install some software, create a recipient list and you can send txt messages via your computer. Why is that important? Primarily because I have a 17 year old daughter whose primary communication method is TXT messaging.

But also, TXT messages are a lot less invasive than the phone and  there are many people I deal with in business that don't have a PDA or Blackberry Being able to send a quick TXT message to a regular cell phone is just easier than leaving a voicemail.

The only problem--I can't get it to work. I read the instructions but something is getting lost in the translation of the setup wizard. I am obviously not understanding something that I need to do.

I have tried it three times. I believe in the three strikes and you're out philosophy of doing business.

 Yes, they have support forums up the yahzoo but I don't have the time or inclination to figure out which topic will provide me with the answers I need. Once I am at the point where I can't interpret the instructions, I want a translator and that usually means I want someone to talk to.

 This company doesn't  even have a technical support email system that I can send my questions to. So I sent it to the webmaster.If I don't get an answer soon I will be requesting a refund.

Then there is the design company that requests are discussions about layouts and creative design be conducted through a password protected communication system.

I sent the requirements, expecting the graphic designer would contact me to discuss the project. Instead they presented a layout. It was all wrong.

We gave feedback via their note system  and explained what we wanted.They revised.It was still all wrong.

We gave additional feedback. I wanted to call. They don't do business via the phone.They came back with yet another design, and it was still wrong.

My client, who also  believes in the three strikes and you're out philosophy of business, has instructed me to send them a note saying the job is cancelled.

Normally it is not something that I would do via a note. However, since that is how they want to do business, that is precisely what I did.

While I understand there is a benefit in having everything written so you have precise documentation, a quick 10 minute phone call would have been all the graphic designer would have needed to understand exactly what we were looking for.

After that call, if the graphic designer wanted to send a note confirming our requests.just for the documentation, then that would have been terrific.

But that's not how they are choosing to do business. Had they just picked up the phone at the beginning of the project, they would have saved time and kept a client.

Image Credit: Flickr image by MireO5

Tags: business, communication, mobile phones, software, advertising, customerservice

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Help Ms. Jen Complete her Master's Thesis

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Feel like doing  a good deed today? Jen ,who has a blog called Black Phoebe::Ms. JEN, is working on her thesis for her master's degree and wants five minutes of your time. Here's her request:

I am currently working on my thesis for my master's degree on Moleskine to Mobile: How Creative Professionals are using the Mobile Devices.

I would love if you could take 5 mins. to fill out the following survey about your mobile usage. If you have practices and opinions that you would like to share and be on record for, please fill out your name and email and I will interview you

Take the Survey:http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=557101809700

I took the survey. It does just take five minutes and I learned about some software that I need to look into --plus its motivating me to use my mobile for more creative purposes.

Notes From The Road-Baxter MN

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In less than four hours I am going to have to plug my client's projector into my HP Pavillion laptop computer and conduct a three- hour workshop on marketing for nonprofits.

Normally the thought of plugging a projector into my computer wouldn't cause me angst. But then, that was before both my Blackberry and iPod fritzed after electronic copulation with said laptop.

On the superstitious scale I'm probably a 1.5

I don't throw salt over my shoulder, but I do knock on wood.

I have no problem opening an umbrella in my own house, but would never open it in someone else's...just in case they are superstitious.

Breakng a mirror doesn't freak me out but having both a Blackberrry and an iPOD have their collective electronic brains fried after an interaction with my computer does cause me to pause.

Greetings from Baxter, MN. I'm on the road this week, conducting a series of marketing workshops for nonprofits in Northern Minnesota and Northwestern Wisconsin.

Knowing that I will be  Blackberry-less  for my entire road trip is a challenge for me. Okay, it's actually more than a challenge. I am having Blackberry withdrawal. It's not so bad when I'm in my hotel room -- I have access to email via my computer, but the two hour drive to Baxter was unnerving. 

It was only after I started thinking how nice it would be to have a pack of cigarettes-- a vice I gave up almost 30 years ago that-- I realized I was addicted to that Blackberry.

Now the desire to pick up a pack of Virginia Slims may have been my minds way of transferring my Blackberry withdrawl symptoms to my more potent withdrawl symptoms to nicotine,or it could have been enhanced because my ALAMO rented SUV definitely has a tobacco infused aroma to it.

Either way, as soon as I saw the Golden Arches I decided to feed my other serious addiction ---caffeine-- the idea being if at least one addiction was taken care of , I could cope with the others.

The strategy worked.

But I was unsettled and when the directions I used from Mapquest took me to a deadend road my superstitious meter had cranked up to 3. Using my backup cell phone I tried to call 411 to get the right directions

Unfortunately, Baxter is part on my extended coverage area and instead of getting directory assistance, I connected with SPRINT's automated customer service center. Despite banging on the ZERO numerous times, the auomated system insisted that I give them my cell phone number.

I was thrilled to learn that my current balance with SPRINT is Zero which is great news since my carrier is Verizon Wireless. After about five minutes I finally got a customer service rep who insisted that the reason I was being routed to SPRINT was because there was a block on my service.

I was now hovering at 5 on the my superstitious-o-meter. I was not liking how things were going. And, of course it had started to snow.

I  finally gave up trying to get Sprint to understand what happened, and hightailed it over to the Super America where a customer gave me the right directions to my hotel.

The clerk at the hotel explained that the bad directions were due to the fact that the city had given the hotel a new  street address last year and the online services hadn't had time to update their systems.

Changing street numbers is not something I've ever heard of before. I asked the clerk why the city did this, he didn't know. I don't think he cared as much as I did.

All I can say is if you are heading to the Hawthorn Inn & Suites in Baxter,ignore Mapquest's suggestion to take a right on Meredith Road. You don't want to go there.

I got into my room just fine but as I was unpacking I realized that I was sans contact lens container and much more upsetting --I had walked out of my house without my moisterizer.

My superstiticious meter is now at an alarming 7.

Make that 9. I just tried to spell check this post and spell check is on the fritz.

Anyone want to place bets on the lifespan of that projector?

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The Train Has Left The Station. Did you forget to bring your paper?

As we move away from the era of "All The News That's Fit To Print" to the era of "All The News That's Fit To Transmit", it's like watching a dear old friend receive a diagnosis of a terminal illness.

Some handle it with grace.

Some refuse to accept the diagnosis.

And,some fight back like hell and prove the experts wrong.

And so it is with newspapers.

Time was when commuters would bring their newspapers on the bus, train ,or plane and read away on their way to work.

Today, they can turn on their phone ( okay not on the plane), power up their iPod , or WiFi equipped laptop or PDA, and get all the news that's fit to transmit.

Talk about a tough job --try being a telemarketer for newspapers these days. All I can say is I hope they don't work on commission.

On Friday I got a call asking if I would like to try the StarTribune for about $2.00 a week.

I explained to the woman on the phone that I did read the StarTribune just about every day--online.

I don't remember what her response was to that. And that's the problem. If the newspapers can't figure out a compelling reason  to overcome my barriers to subscription, then they need to execute a different business model.

So here's what I think they should figure out today and then call me back. Explain why I should...

(1)  spend money to read stuff I can access online for free ( well its not free I pay a pretty hefty bill to Time Warner each month for the privilege of high speed internet)

2. Wait until the paper is delivered instead of  opening up my laptop and reading through stories when the insomnia hits at around 2:30 a.m.

3. Add more paper clutter to my house with a newspaper that only has a few select sections that interest me ( forget the sports, classifieds and stock performance)

4.Find a place to "store" the paper until I remember to take it out to the recycling bin.

5.Remember which Tuesday is recycling pickup day.

Call me a half -empty kinda gal, but I think newspapers ,as we know them ,are going  the way of the 8-track, Sony's  Beta,and gas station attendants who wash your windows, fill up your tank, and check under your hood.

The rumblings about the fate of newspapers have been around for awhile. On January 7th, Michael Kinsley shared his thoughts in an Op-Ed in the Washington Post.

"The trouble even an established customer will take to obtain a newspaper continues to shrink, as well. Once, I would drive across town if necessary. Today, I open the front door and if the paper isn't within about 10 feet I retreat to my computer and read it online. Only six months ago, that figure was 20 feet. Extrapolating, they will have to bring it to me in bed by the end of the year and read it to me out loud by the second quarter of 2007.

No one knows how all this will play out. But it is hard to believe that there will be room in the economy for delivering news by the Rube Goldberg process described above. That doesn't mean newspapers are toast. After all, they've got the brand names. You gotta trust something called the "Post-Intelligencer" more than something called "Yahoo" or "Google," don't you? No, seriously, don't you? Okay, how old did you say you are? "

In his Op-Ed, Kinsley  reminds readers that 10 years ago newspapers had their undies in a bundle with fear that Microsoft's "Sidewalk" project was going to destroy them.

It didn't,and as Kinsley says,newspapers have become complacent. I would add arrogant.

About a week earlier,Tribune syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker wrote a column which basically is  a spanking  to the American public for turning to and trusting bloggers.

Now, many of you won't be able to access the column because its probably already been archived and that would require you spending about $2.95 to read it. And , of course if you are not registered with the Chicago Tribune you'll have to go through that process to access the column.

HELLOOOO.

Back to Ms. Parker. So here are some of her choice thoughts...taken out of context but I think they hold up rather nicely on their own. She writes...

"There's something frankly creepy about the explosion we now call the Blogosphere--the big-bang "electroniverse" where recently wired squatters set up new camps each day."

"Say what you will about the so-called mainstream media, but no industry agonizes more about how to improve its product, police its own members and better serve its communities. Newspapers are filled with carpal-tunneled wretches, overworked and underpaid, who suffer near-pathological allegiance to getting it right."

Bloggers persist no matter their contributions or quality, though most would have little to occupy their time were the mainstream media to disappear tomorrow.

Spoiled and undisciplined, they have grabbed the mike and seized the stage, a privilege granted not by years in the trenches, but by virtue of a three-pronged plug and the miracle of WiFi.

Each time I wander into blogdom, I'm reminded of the savage children stranded on an island in William Golding's "Lord of the Flies." Without adult supervision, they organize themselves into rival tribes, learn to hunt and kill, and eventually become murderous barbarians in the absence of a civilizing structure.

Schadenfreude--pleasure in others' misfortunes--has become the new barbarity on an island called Blog. When someone trips, whether Dan Rather or Eason Jordan or Judith Miller, bloggers are the bloodthirsty masses slavering for a public flogging. Incivility is their weapon and humanity their victim."

It was reading a Schadenfreude blog --Jossip in the first place that I learned about Ms. Parker's concerns.

"Oh, yeah, you also have editors, fact-checkers, assistants, and interns, to make sure that one fucking story a day you file has no errors right? Oh, boo-hoo, cut the "we're journalists, we work harder" crap, ok? We have carpal-tunnel too, bitch — and no fancy-man insurance!"

Which brings me to the Roanoke Times in Roanoke Virginia. This newspaper is now offering a 4-5 minute daily videocast in an effort to attract non newspaper readers.

Take a look, it's the new face of newspapers.

You can bet your 60 GB video iPod on it.