Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line: FunnyBusiness

Welcome to the Blogher Network

 

Where the women bloggers are

Monday was launch day for the Blogher Network. Blogher started about a year ago  in response to the lack of recognition main stream media and other organizations hosting blogging conferences were giving women bloggers. It was as if the women were invisible.

A group of women decided to do something about it. Nuf said. First, there was a Blogher Conference with 300 bloggers last July .Now there is the Blogher Network. Check it out.

There are over 20 categories of blogs ---everything from Fashion & Shopping to Technology& Web and Research And Academia. In other words, the network covers everything that women are interested in.

For the foreseeable future, I will be one of four editors covering Business& Careers. In this role I will be featuring posts and blogs of women who are writing about business culture, news, and trends.

From time to time I will cross-pollinate on FunnyBusiness.

Today, I wanted to share a post that I read last night on Blogher from one of the editors of the Blogging& Social Media category. It was posted by Debi Jones aka mobilejones. It touches one of my favorite topics-- the risk of blogging about work.

"Anina whose star has been rising on the mobile technology conference circuit through 2005 receives an ultimatum from her modeling agency. "Choose modeling or technology, because you can't do both."

Anina's story isn't unique. Many employers are concerned about their employees blogging, and as a result, some people blog anonymously.

The concerns of the modeling agency aren't clear, but it does raise what is likely to continue to be a tough choice for employees. When an employer dictates your activities outside of work, what recourse do you have?

Read the comments on Anina's post. Also, she has included a short audio recording of a discussion with 2 friends on handling the situation."

No More Snapper Lawnmowers at Wal-Mart

As part of its promotion for senior writer Charles Fishman's book, The Wal-Mart Effect, Fast Company is running some excerpts from the book. The latest issue includes a story called," The Man Who Said No To Wal-Mart"

"The vice president had a bigger surprise for Wier, though. Wal-Mart not only wanted to keep selling his lawn mowers, it wanted to sell lots more of them. Wal-Mart wanted to sell mowers nose-to-nose against Home Depot and Lowe's.

"Usually," says Wier, "I don't perspire easily." But perched on the edge of his chaise, "I felt my arms getting drippy."

Wier took a breath and said, "Let me tell you why it doesn't work."

Tens of thousands of executives make the pilgrimage to northwest Arkansas every year to woo Wal-Mart, marshaling whatever arguments, data, samples, and pure persuasive power they have in the hope of an order for their products, or an increase in their current order. Almost no matter what you're selling, the gravitational force of Wal-Mart's 3,811 U.S. "doorways" is irresistible. Very few people fly into Northwest Arkansas Regional Airport thinking about telling Wal-Mart no, or no more."

According to the excerpt, Weir said no to Wal-Mart for one key reason: it conflicted with his business strategy,

"Snapper is known in the outdoor-equipment business not for huge volume but for quality, reliability, durability. A well-maintained Snapper lawn mower will last decades; many customers buy the mowers as adults because their fathers used them when they were kids. But Snapper lawn mowers are not cheap, any more than a Viking range is cheap. The value isn't in the price, it's in the performance and the longevity."

It is a fundamental business concept: know who you are and what you stand for.Some people call that having a brand strategy.What takes your breathe away in reading this excerpt is the realization that few businesses are willing to defend that brand when someone is waving millions of dollars in their face.

Over at the Wal-Mart Watch, which a joint project of The Center for Community & Corporate Ethics,  devoted to studying the impact of large corporations on society, and its advocacy arm, Five Stones, Dr.Jonathan Rees of Colorado State University, reviewed the book saying,

"Fishman, a Senior Editor at Fast Company magazine, has done an extraordinary job at coaxing Wal-Mart suppliers to talk about their experiences even though the company seems to have imposed an unofficial code of silence on them.  Here you can read about how companies like Vlasic and Levi Strauss essentially destroyed their own markets by caving in to Wal-Mart’s demands for constantly lower prices, as well as why Jim Wier of Snapper mowers refused to do the same. "

Over at Fast Company's Blog which seems to promote a lot of the magazine contributor's books, they not so humbly say,

"Fast Company senior writer Charles Fishman's new book The Wal-Mart Effect -- which FC recently excerpted -- could very well be the most important book about the most important company in the world."

The post later explains,

"Wal-Mart is now so large, it has created its own business ecosystem, where Wal-Mart alone sets the tempo, the rules, the economic climate. That ecosystem, Fishman explains, literally allows Wal-Mart to stand outside the very market forces which we rely on to modulate and regulate all companies. Wal-Mart is so dominant, it can reshape even the rules of market capitalism."

So far 37 people have posted comments on this entry. There is the requisite post from busines owners who are now out of business thanks to Wal Mart and of course there is also the online squabbling over capitalism vs. fascism. Great Reading. Great Article.

Haven't read the book, but will be ordering it today.

Truthiness, Zero Coke & Blogs

Diet Coke is a girlie drink. The Coca-Cola Company wants to bring  the "man's man" audience to their drinking community. They've put up $18 million dollars to convince twenty-something testosterone- laden humans that this is the drink that will keep hair on their chest,love handles at bay, and rocket launch their coolness aura.

The bloggers are having a field day-- at least that's the word from New Zealand's news website --Stuff

"Although the goal was to tease the market and create some buzz among the web-savvy "neos" in the twenty something age-bracket, the blogging community has issued its own verdict.

Those searching out blogger commentary on the zero movement are likely to find posts along the lines of: "How many ad agencies does it take to patronise a demographic?"

A spoof zero movement site suggests readers take the money they would usually spend on soft drinks, and give it to charity, while spin-off blog The Zero Movement Sucks has begun selling T-shirts that say: "I joined the zero movement and all I got was this lousy brain tumour"."

Even forgetting that this is the company that survived a self-inflicted near fatal wound to its brand with the ill-fated Classic Coke introduction, you would think that a company that can spend $18 dollars to promote a product would understand what Stephen Colbert, bloggers, and the drinking public get.

Even truthiness has its limits.

For Corporate Bloggers the case of the Zero Movement Blog could become a Coke Classic for doing everything you shouldn't do in blogging to try to reach your target audience.

In the case of the "Zero Movement' the bloggers are doing to Zero Coke what Oprah Just did to James Frey.

Tony Kelly a journalist and blogger for B&T, Australia's highest-circlation advertising, marketing and media magazine says the bloggers are hammering Cokes attempt at blogging as,

"a cynical  marketing ploy abusing the high level communication and trust established between bloggers and the communities that gather around them. There are some wonderful aspects to an age where every consumer has a voice if they have access to blogger.com or typepad but if you are big company like Coke trying desperately to be down with the kids, then a site like The Zero Movement Sucks isn’t one of them."

Back in June, brand expert Laura Ries shared her thoughts on the Zero Movement.

"Zero does zero for the Coke brand. It is just a further watering down of the Coke brand in the mind of the consumer. Pretty soon, Coke will be so watered down you might as well just call it Dasani.

The idea behind Coca-Cola Zero is to attract young male consumers who shun beverages with the word Diet on them. I guess we are assuming young men are really stupid. Any one who has finished the fifth grade can figure out Coca-Cola Zero is the same as Diet Coke!:

Meanwhile, over at the Zero Movement Blogone does get the feeling that it's written by a a bunch of thirty-something females trying a little too hard to relate to twenty-something man types. A quick list of the folks that are commenting on the site, gives the feel that its found its audience -- girlie girls. Bethy, Elana ( no not me), Emma and Michelle.

See, in creating this marketing campaign targeted to males, the company overlooked a key aspect of human nature. Girls really believe the lyrics to the old Connie Francis song, " Where the boys are, someone waits for me A smilin' face, a warm embrace, two arms to hold me tenderly Where the boys are, my true love will be He's walkin' down some street in town and I know he's lookin' there for me"

They should have said NO

For the past couple of weeks, I have been watching in embarrassing agony as Connie Chung, Maury Povitch, Chris Matthews and a host of other journalist participate in a promotion campaign for Connie & Maury's weekend television program on MSNBC.

In one a journlist queries, " I'm not sure Connie is actually Chinese."

The question is, if your boss asked you to do something that you believe is completely humiliating ,would you do it?  Now, we're not talking about breaking any laws or violating the Geneva Convention,  we're just talking about a willingness to abandon your better judgment ( or contract) and do it for  the Gipper .

I haven't seen their show. Not sure I will.  It has gotten mostly negative reviews.

"> Alessandra Stanley calls it a "cheesy talk show" that "almost makes Fox's Geraldo at Large look dignified."

> 5 Things: "The opening banter was lame but the newsreel-esc production was pure Liz Winstead. Very funny."

But, it isn't the show that fascinates me, I'm intrigued with  the promos.. They are hideous.

Why in the world did Connie Chung, Maury Povitch and for that matter Chris Matthews agree to participate? As far as I'm concerned it's a lose-lose situation. If this is their idea of cleaver, I am concerned about their professional judgment; if they knew that the promos reeked, then I've lost respect on an entirely different level.

There are two families of promos; one "endorsing Connie and her supposed talents and one endorsing" Maury and his gifts. At the end of each of their promos they either say, " I'm Connie Chung ( I'm Maury Povitch) and I approve of this ad a la a political candidate.'

If this is MSNBC's idea of edgy, sophisticated, cleaver, amusing, delightful, engaging, motivational, endearing or in any way appropriate, they need to hire a new promotional team.

However, it's one thing for someone to try to push a bad campaign, it's another for supposed intelligent and responsible human beings to agree to participate.

Sometimes, you have to be willing to push yourself away from the table an just say 'thanks, but no thanks".--regardless of the consequences.

Blackberry, Crackberry

The email from the Wall Street Journal was stamped 6:51 p.m. I viewed it at 7:23. It would have been sooner, but I had been at the gym working out and decided to leave the Blackberry at home.

"Hello,I am a reporter at the Journal in New York writing a story about how people will adjust if their BlackBerry service is suspended due to the ongoing lawsuit. I saw a blog post of yours and was wondering if I could ask you a few fun and quick questions regarding you use of the device this evening or early tomorrow..."

Two minutes after I left her a message, we began a conversation on my alleged addiction to my Blackberry. A snippet of the conversation is captured in the WSJ today ( no subscription necessary)

Here is what didn't make it.

I check emails at stoplights.

I have been known when there is no traffic to glance at an important email while driving -- I know, I know. My rationale ( and I know its an excuse not a rationale) is that its no different than reading a map or directions while driving. And at least I'm not putting on mascara.

I'll glance at emails during long meetings.

Oh, and being an insomniac, before I turn on my computer in the middle of the night, I'll glance at the Blackberry.

It's hard to believe that Blackberry is really going down. But then it is a Federal Judge in Richmond-- when I was  a reporter in Richmond I covered those courts. There was one judge ( this goes back 30 years) who was really unreasonable.

One day, an attorney was making a pleading  to the judge. The only people in the courtroom were the judge, the attorney, myself, and another reporter.

The judge had the room set up so that a podium faced the jury box. As the attorney started addressing the court, the judge demanded that the attorney face the jury box -- which would have been okay accept it meant it was talking to the wall since there were no jurors sitting in the jury box.

The attorney protested. The judge demanded. The judge won. it is in his memory that i await the outcome of Blackberry's fate. Good luck.

One in 2.7 million

It was a phone conversation about search engine optimization. She is a potential client. I wanted to demonstrate that blogging is good for search engine optimization.

To demonstrate, I asked her to type in Open -Toed Shoes in Google. Since we were on the phone, I was relying on verbal cues and not able to see what she was doing.

While I was Googling and seeing Open -Toed Shoes pop up as the number one entry ( out of 2.7 million results), my potential client was struggling.

After some conversation, we discovered she didn't Google. She uses MSN. I was taken by surprise. I wanted to ask "Why?" but that was off topic.

Now, before there was a Google, I must have used a different search engine. I just don't remember which search engine I used.

I'm not the only one who has Google on the brain. Writing in Information Week, Alice LaPlante discusses Google's rise to a top 10 brand to its potential Achilles Heel.

"How hot is Google?

- Google's market cap, now hovering at around $132 billion, is bigger than IBM and Chevron.

- Piper Jaffray analyst Safa Raschtchy said the stock would likely soar past $600 this year.

- Unlike high-flying Internet bubble companies of the 1990s, Google is profitable, with revenues growing an average 110% quarterly since it went public in August 2004.

- Google has a war chest of $7.6 billion for doing whatever it pleases.

- Google is one of the top 10 Web brands in the U.S., and the second-fastest-growing Web site, building traffic 29% in the past year, according to Nielsen/Net Ratings. Only Apple's Web site is more popular; Yahoo and MSN lag far behind.

- Google is king of search-related advertising, and search-related ads are the fastest-growing sector of the online ad business, which is growing at 41% annually, said Piper Jaffray.

- Google has almost twice as many search ad clickthroughs as runner-up Yahoo. In December, Google had 16.5 trillion ad clickthrough, compared with Yahoo's 9 trillion, according to Nielsen/NetRatings.

- Google earned $3.64 billion from U.S. online ad revenues in 2005, representing 69% of all paid search advertising, according to eMarketer"

It's a great read and be sure to click through to The Guardian's piece on how they manipulated Google's Search Engine with their spoof site for "eco-friendly flip flops".

Web search has become the focus for a legion of marketers over the past decade, and their tactics - known as search engine optimisation (SEO) - are the basis of a multibillion pound worldwide industry. Most are legitimate businesses, but some so-called "black hat" SEOs use unethical strategies to boost their clients.

Meanwhile, after I finished my phone conversation, I decided to treat myself to a vanity trip through the search engines.  I was having a great time until I stopped by Ask Jeeves where I got a big fat dose of search engine reality. It seems they never got my dance card.

The Saddest Day of The Year?

If you are to believe the news readers on MSNBC.com today, January 23rd is the saddest day of the year.

In sharing this tongue and cheek story, the MSNBC readers quote a British Psychologist Cliff Arnall who has created a formula to predict the year's saddest day.

Found the formula in the news.telegraph that is also giving Arnall lots of coverage today.

"An expert in winter disorders first identified January as the most stressful month. Now Cliff Arnall, a health psychologist at Cardiff University, has devised a formula to work out the worst day of the year and has come up with Jan 23 for 2006.

His calculation is based on the poorest weather, debts owed for seasonal spending, the time since Christmas, the period of time before you abandon New Year's resolutions, the dates when motivation levels seems to be at their lowest and the timing for the need for action to escape the blues."

Thanks to a British Blogger, Simon Jeffery, who is no fan of Cliff Arnall or the media's habit of quoting him at will,  it turns out that the good Cliff Arnall is less concerned with the mental health of Brits than he is with the health of his client's bottom line.

"Others went for the less rigorous approach of pointing out that his discovery of the most depressing day (the only answer for which, Dr Arnall said, was to book a holiday) was commissioned by the satellite channel Sky Travel."

The "others" Jeffery links to is MOHO.org--a website promoting four resorts in the Virgin Islands. In their newsletter they shared this...

"The formula was devised to help a travel company "analyze when people book holidays and holiday trends," said a London-based PR agency. "People feel bleak when they have nothing planned, but once they book a holiday they have a goal, they work toward having time off and a relaxing period," When you imagine yourself on the beach it makes you feel positive. You will save money, go to the gym and come back to the optimism you had at the end of 2004."

So Kudos to the PR agency who came up with the idea -- it worked. You got lots of media placement and that's your job. You did it well.

SHAME. SHAME. SHAME on mainstream media who

(a) didn't take the time to research Arnall's credentials
(b) didn't disclose that the formula was created not as an academic exercise but as a corporate exercise.

Kudos to the bloggers -- who got it right.

Oh, and as far as January 23rd goes. To me it's one of the happiest days of the year. It's my son Noah's 22nd Birthday.

Happy Birthday!

Notes From The Road - Ashland, Wisconsin

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NOTe NOTE: Spellchecker is not working. Read at your own risk.

It was not so long ago that my hotel criteria was, " Do you have internet access?" Then, it quickly became, " Do you have wireless access?"

Now  it seems I need to add another criteria, " Did your hotel purchase the package to allow visitors access to secure websites?"

Who would have known that companies could opt whether or not to allow access to a secure website?

While I didn't select the hotel for my stay in Ashland, Wisconsin I did do some reconnaissance work before leaving on my trip and was very pleased to learn that the Americinn in Ashland, Wisconsin has wireless internet access.

I was delighted. and somewhat surprised. Ashland is not exactly on the beaten path.

Ashland is a community of about 8,000 people located nearly 90 miles east of Duluth.  A lake ( that being Lake Superior) community, it is a breathtakingly charming place ---even in the middle of January The AmericInn is lakefront. My room was not. It also didn't have wireless internet service.

Turns out the hotel does have wireless internet in the rooms...just on the left side of the hotel. My room was on the right side.

Neverthess my room did have high speed access and it was fine..until I tried to write a post on Typepad.

I could get to the home page, but I couldn't login. Given Typepad's recent technical problems, I assumed the site was down....again. I was wrong.

Then I tried to visit my bank to transfer some funds to my son's checking account. I couldn't get there either.

I could get to msnbc.com, I could get to mail2web.com. So afer booting and rebooting my computer several times, I called the front desk. They gave me the phone number for their technical support company.

Turns out  that I couldn't access Typepad or my bank because they are secure websites and evidently the AmericInn opted not to purchase the  SSL 2.0, SSL 3.0 or TLS 1.0 --  package.

Why is this an optional item?

My next question is," How expensive could it possibly be to  have SSL 2.0,SSL 3.0 or TLS 1.0?

As my teenage daughter would say, "ANNOYING".

Maybe it was because I had not really slept the night before but it took me at least 10 minutes to remember that I had another choice-- phone banking. It has been years since I relied on the telephone to transfer funds or check balances.

I didn't get it right on the first try, but by the third time,I was able to make the transfer. Unfortunately for my son, it occured after the 6:00 pm deadline.

As far as posting to Typepad, it was my wakeup call to get my Blackberry MOBLOGGING ready.

You never know when you'll be someplace that thinks purchasing the secured network package is a waste of money.

Notes from the road - Duluth, MN aka In the Blink of an Eye

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Moments of truth occur in the oddest places. For me, it was the women's restroom at the Super America in Baxter, MN. I was in the SuperAmerica getting directions and while I was there decided to use the facilities.

I was not alone. A mom and a four year old in hot pink snow boots who sang out "TA DA!" when she had completed her business were also in there.

As I turned my head to smile at the young girl, she  immediately blurted out to her mom,

" What's wrong with her eye?"

I would imagine for the mom it was one of those , "Boy did my face turn red moments."

Acting casual and nonchalant, as if this is a question I get asked every day, I said,

" Yes, I do have funny looking eyes. They don't blink together."

The girl accepted my answer. The mom smiled. For them, the moment had passed.

Not for me. Because the reason that I was in the restroom in the Super America in Baxter, Minnesota was that I was beginning three days of workshops, in three separate communities,to three groups who knew nothing about me.

Whenever I meet someone new, or speak to a group that hasn't met me before, I know that "my eye" is the white elephant in the room.

But business etiquette demands that I say nothing about my eye.

Business etiquette demands that people who notice my eye, remain silent.

Business etiquette demands that I act as if there is nothing peculiar about someone who has "independent blinkers."

Business etiquette demands that I pretend that people aren't thinking about my eye when I want them to be thinking about what I am presenting.

People don't ask. I don't tell. And I try not to let my picasso-esque  appearance infilitrate my mind as I'm trying to build a rapport with complete strangers. Knowing you are odd looking can be a confidence deflator...even after 13 years.

But this bathroom candor -- brought up something I've struggled with for 13 years---To say or not to say that I had shingles and it paralyzed the left side of my face. The remnant is a left eye gone wild.

Over the years I have discussed this with business associates and unanimously they say, " it's not noticiable and you absolutely shouldn't mention it. It will make people think you are too self conscious,  they say.

Counter my new four year old friend who glanced at my face for a nanosecond and immediately saw that things were not working the way most faces work.

Her innocent question served as a powerful reminder that (a) my eye is noticeable and (b) whether or not people say it out loud, they'd like to ask the exact same question.

My personal preference would be to acknowledge my appearance. I share other things. I tell them I can't spell well. I tell them work anecdotes. Yet, if I ,in an offhanded light manner, mention that I have a entertaining left eye, I'm somehow breaching business etiquette.

I don't get it. But I have been assured by many people who I respect that by mentioning the shingles I will be creating more problems.

And so I give my eye the silent treatment, hoping participants in the workshop will adjust to my appearance and forget about in a blink of the eye.

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Notes From The Road-Baxter MN

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In less than four hours I am going to have to plug my client's projector into my HP Pavillion laptop computer and conduct a three- hour workshop on marketing for nonprofits.

Normally the thought of plugging a projector into my computer wouldn't cause me angst. But then, that was before both my Blackberry and iPod fritzed after electronic copulation with said laptop.

On the superstitious scale I'm probably a 1.5

I don't throw salt over my shoulder, but I do knock on wood.

I have no problem opening an umbrella in my own house, but would never open it in someone else's...just in case they are superstitious.

Breakng a mirror doesn't freak me out but having both a Blackberrry and an iPOD have their collective electronic brains fried after an interaction with my computer does cause me to pause.

Greetings from Baxter, MN. I'm on the road this week, conducting a series of marketing workshops for nonprofits in Northern Minnesota and Northwestern Wisconsin.

Knowing that I will be  Blackberry-less  for my entire road trip is a challenge for me. Okay, it's actually more than a challenge. I am having Blackberry withdrawal. It's not so bad when I'm in my hotel room -- I have access to email via my computer, but the two hour drive to Baxter was unnerving. 

It was only after I started thinking how nice it would be to have a pack of cigarettes-- a vice I gave up almost 30 years ago that-- I realized I was addicted to that Blackberry.

Now the desire to pick up a pack of Virginia Slims may have been my minds way of transferring my Blackberry withdrawl symptoms to my more potent withdrawl symptoms to nicotine,or it could have been enhanced because my ALAMO rented SUV definitely has a tobacco infused aroma to it.

Either way, as soon as I saw the Golden Arches I decided to feed my other serious addiction ---caffeine-- the idea being if at least one addiction was taken care of , I could cope with the others.

The strategy worked.

But I was unsettled and when the directions I used from Mapquest took me to a deadend road my superstitious meter had cranked up to 3. Using my backup cell phone I tried to call 411 to get the right directions

Unfortunately, Baxter is part on my extended coverage area and instead of getting directory assistance, I connected with SPRINT's automated customer service center. Despite banging on the ZERO numerous times, the auomated system insisted that I give them my cell phone number.

I was thrilled to learn that my current balance with SPRINT is Zero which is great news since my carrier is Verizon Wireless. After about five minutes I finally got a customer service rep who insisted that the reason I was being routed to SPRINT was because there was a block on my service.

I was now hovering at 5 on the my superstitious-o-meter. I was not liking how things were going. And, of course it had started to snow.

I  finally gave up trying to get Sprint to understand what happened, and hightailed it over to the Super America where a customer gave me the right directions to my hotel.

The clerk at the hotel explained that the bad directions were due to the fact that the city had given the hotel a new  street address last year and the online services hadn't had time to update their systems.

Changing street numbers is not something I've ever heard of before. I asked the clerk why the city did this, he didn't know. I don't think he cared as much as I did.

All I can say is if you are heading to the Hawthorn Inn & Suites in Baxter,ignore Mapquest's suggestion to take a right on Meredith Road. You don't want to go there.

I got into my room just fine but as I was unpacking I realized that I was sans contact lens container and much more upsetting --I had walked out of my house without my moisterizer.

My superstiticious meter is now at an alarming 7.

Make that 9. I just tried to spell check this post and spell check is on the fritz.

Anyone want to place bets on the lifespan of that projector?

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