Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line: FunnyBusiness

Happiness is Warm Gun aka Spy Sweeper

Let me just say it is an orgasmic experience to work on a computer that has been brought back from the brink of WinFixer.

In case you are wondering just who is responsible for these hijacking software programs, turns out one of the developers ( not the creator of WinFixer, but there are hundreds of spyware softwares to be wary of) evidently lives in a suburb of Minneapolis.

In fact, the  Geek Squad Double Agent  who spent three hours on Saturday bringing my computer back from the brink has actually repaired the computer of one of those spyware software developers.

Turns out the software developer uses his own computer to "test new software".  Evidently,when it works, the stuff destroys his computer.

So, he calls Geek Squad to get them to remove it from his computer. I guess after that happens he can market it knowing that the spyware will do exactly what his customers want it to do.

This brings a whole new definition to product testing.

My double agent made four house calls to the developer before deciding "no mas."

"I couldn't reconcile repairing a computer that I believe is being used to create software that destroys other computers."

That's not the only thing I learned during his three hour visit. The word of the day is Spy Sweeper.

Prior to my encounter with WinFixer I had ignorantly thought  that Symantec's Norton protected me against both viruses and software. Their advertising says the software will protect my computer against viruses, worms and spyware.

Evidently in the war against computer terrorists you need to have a frigging arsenal of protection.No one product can do it all anymore.

Double Agent Paul's advice -Get Spy Sweeper.

As my fingers are waltzing along the keyboard, I activated SpySweeper to do sweep of my computer. It indicates that the "sweep will take 18 minutes." With 8 minutes to go it has found one pesky piece of spyware.

At 13 minutes the sweep was completed and SpySweeper had detected that  the starware  toolbar was attempting to hijack my computer.

Not today you sucker. Spy Sweeper crushed you into oblivion. Makes a girl sleep better at night knowing her computer is armed and protected. Happiness is....

I mentioned to Double Agent Paul that I had  originally contacted the Norton tech support line about WinFixer and was told, " they were working on a patch and should have a solution in 24-48 hours. "

That was 288 hours ago.  Make a note: Don't wait around for Norton to solve this one.

"They won't be able to create a patch because WinFixer Morphs,"said the Double Agent.

As he explained," the name of the infected file changes every time you try to remove it, making it almost impossible for a company like Norton to develop a patch."

So unless you are very adept at computers-- removing this bugger is a job for the professionals. WinFixer is one of the nastiest things this double agent has already seen.

So what is a computer user supposed to do?

If you don't have spyware protection and the WinFixer faux ad.pops up on your computer..don't close it. ( closing it actually creates the hijacking) Instead,

Click CTRL, ALT, Delete.  However, this only works for the very first time you see the WinFixer message. If it continues to pop up, you've been hijacked.

In that event, run don't walk to a professional tech person who can get it removed.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by a computer user who unfortunately learned the hard way.

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Press #0 Four Times on the phone pad

YES! The ultimate cheat sheet  is available to one and all who are sick and tired of talking to robots, and receiving options  from sophisticated voicemail systems that don't fit their problem.

Click here...and save this site. You will want to visit it frequently..

The big takeaway--- seeing all the various contortions people have to go through to get to a live customer service representative, you get the idea these companies really don't want to talk to us.

Hello? If I could figure out the problem by myself I wouldn't be calling you.

Years ago, bankers believed if they just made it painful enough to stand in bank lines that people would get used to using ATMS. For the most part, the strategy has worked for getting money out of the bank. But, if you want to make a deposit, bankers say, use a teller.

For some reason when you make a deposit in an ATM it is more likely to trigger a longer "hold" time on your deposit.

It makes no sense but neither does the convoluted phone systems that companies now use for people trying to reach a live customer service agent/representative.

They must think that if they are patient enough, we'll adjust to the robots just like we've adjusted to self-service gas stations, ATMs, and booking airline tickets on line.

What they don't get is those are very specific tasks...repeatable tasks. News Flash-- I hate filling up my car especially when I have nice shoes on. I, if dressed for business ,would go to the full-service option if any of the gas stations in my neighborhood offered this service -- they don't.

When we call customer service, it's not like filling up the tank. It's not to complete a repeatable, teachable task. Instead, it's  often for a problem that has never occurred before and may never occur again. Some things depend on human contact.

The other thing that I love about  this list is that I feel validated. It wasn't my imagination. You often have to work very hard to reach a live human being .

In case you haven't peaked at the Cheat Sheet here is some of what you'll find:

AT TiVo, you say " Live Agent" .If you are traveling on Delta you have to repeat Agent FOUR times--but not in a row. That's four times each time they ask for a response, then you get to go live. Geez.

Meanwhile over a T-Mobile you don't say agent, you say representative.

At Safeway, silence is golden. If you refrain from saying anything, you get bumped to the front of the line.

And, unfortunately for those of you who need to get in touch with Compaq, the code can't be cracked.

The Cheat Sheet is the brainchild Paul English who has done his good deed for mankind. The media is enthralled--English has gotten coverage from The Guardian Unlimited to People Magazine.

And, from many of us who have lost our tempers and said very foul things to those robots, Thank You from the bottom of our hearts.

Senator Bonoff

In a special election for the state senate seat in Minnesota's District 43, my dear friend Terri Bonoff won!  Terri is my first close friend to win a state office and I couldn't be more excited for her.

As a DFLer( that's a Minnesota exclusive -- Democratic Farmer Labor Party) Terri won in a traditionally republican district. And , although she is a relatively newcomer to politics ( she did serve on her city's planning commission), she won in an election against a respected, city mayor.

Over the past twenty some years, Terri has been a client, an employee, a client again and always a good friend.

With four kids at home ( now two in college with a third leaving next year) Terri left a very successful business career around five years ago to spend more time with her children

She is smart. Tough.  And, one of the best negotiators I have ever observed. She is going to be a vocal and strong advocate in the state senate.

So what do you send a friend who has just won an election? I decided to send her a standing ovation from Playfair.com . It's a great way to let someone know they've done a terriFic job.

How to Avoid WinFixer-hit CTRL, ALT, DELETE

The Geek Squad will be coming to my office for a two hour house call tomorrow. After taking a look at my computer, the diagnosis was disturbing. WinFixer is so severe that it is going to take a lot of work to get it up and running again.

Until this morning, I've been eagerly checking Symantec's website to see if they had developed the magic patch. Every time I've called they've said, we're working on it --call us back in 48 hours.

Paul, who  is with the Geek Squad says the virus is so nasty and so specialized that it would almost be impossible for Symantec aka Norton to fix this one.

So Paul will be make a $200 return visit tomorrow and hopefully I'll be back in business. Can't be soon enough for me. Working with an infected computer is like doing everything in slo-mo--the computer version of walking mono.

The question I asked was, How did I get itwhen I have been so very careful. I have Norton. I have Microsoft antispyware. I don't open email attachments from people I don't know and I don't download weird stuff.  I practice safe computer.

I don't open attachments in email and I haven't downloaded anything weird.

Here's what he said and here's why WinFixer is so  brilliantly evil.

According to Paul at the Geek Squad, when the WinFixer message popped up on my screen I made a strategical error-- I closed the window thinking that by closing it I would not bother me. Oh, it popped up even though I block pop-ups.

Turns out the X in the close box is actually how the virus activates itself.  How tricky is that?  I would never have guessed that by simply clicking on the X I was infecting my computer with a killer virus.

What I should have done is hit  CTRL, ALT, DELETE. So please, pass this on to anyone you know. WinFixer looks very official  but it's a computer terrorist.Don't close it. Just repeat after me  CTRL,ALT,DELETE.

This little lesson is going to cost me $200 , hopefully you won't repeat my rather expensive mistake.

Addition December 1, 2005

If you are getting WinFixer popping up all the time, the CTL, ALT, DELETE doesn't work. It only works the very first time the window appears on your computer. Again, but thinking you are ignoring the "offer" and closing the window you've activated it. The only way to get it off is to  (A) know what you're doing with computers or (B) hire a very good technician.

After fixing my computer, The Geek Squad recommended SpySweeper.

Happy Thanksgiving

Prior to the proliferation of online greeting cards, I can honestly say Thanksgiving was not a holiday that I associated with Greeting Cards. People didn't send them to me and I certainly didn't send them to anyone. Maybe if I was invited to someone's house I would include a Thanksgiving Card with my cranberry sauce or bottle of wine.

Now, thanks to services like American Greetings, Blue Mountain and my personal favorite Jacque Lawson, I am apt to share a holiday greeting.

Here's a link to one my friend Susan sent. It's great.

http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&sou

And if you are not part of the working world for the rest of the week...Happy Thanksgiving!

Tis The Season to Predict Trends

With 2006 barreling down on us ( by the way we still don't have a name for this decade and I'm still campaigning for D1/2K), futurists, trend observers and big picture folks are sharing what our world will look like during the next 12 months.

I love this stuff. And I really love the outlook this year. If things go the way the experts say, it could be our cutest year ever.

Netimperative is sharing the predictions for the Top 10 Online Marketing trends predicted by the  interactive  marketing firm 24/7 Real Media. My personal favorite is the number one trend

"1.Consumer-generated media will become increasingly attractive to advertisers

Podcasting, blogs and 'wiki' will continue to gain momentum and attract an increasing number of consumers - both content creators and content users. All indicators point to consumer generated media becoming a promising 'ad spend' opportunity, particularly for advertisers looking to reach specific micro-communities. Interactive advertising service providers seeking to capitalise on these opportunities will need to provide scale in both global advertiser acquisition and service delivery, and in data complexity - handling hundreds of thousands of sites with millions of transient visitors. New technologies will make ad delivery easier for publishers and advertisers, including filtering unsuitable content to protect advertisers from unwanted impressions. Better blog and audio/video search tools will increase traffic and dramatically improve relevance metrics. "

Over at Diva Marketing, my friend Toby is sharing how well some of last year's predictions turned out. As she recalled an  evening with some marketing associates

in  Seattle she remembered this:

"Over local brews, Robert made another prediction. His thoughts were that during 2005 blogs would continue to grow in popularity and visibility as a marketing strategy. But it would not be until  2006 that blogs would really take off. With all of the blog books that were released this year and more about to drop next year, Robert just might just be right. Cool!

That's 2 out of 2 saying that blogs are going to take off (marketing wise) in 2006. Eager to track what the other predictors will have to say.

Now, if we could just agree on a name for the decade.

Geezer Glacier will be women friendly

Earlier this week I had an opportunity to hear Mary OHara Devereaux, a futurist, forecaster and CEO of Global Foresight tell several hundred organizational development professionals that the next 10 years is going to be very good for older women.

According to O'Hara Devereaux , in the next ten years, as we begin experiencing the Geezer Glacier, older women ( that would be women over the age of 50) will become the preferred worker.

It's not that corporate america is seeing the light, it's just that it won't be an option to not be woman friendly.

More women then men now graduate from college
Women continue to outlive men

Six hours after that talk I was sitting at the parents table of the annual tennis team banquet. My daughter Berit will be a senior next year and was elected co- captain.( For equal time I should disclose that my son Noah is captain of the ski team at the University of Wisconsin)

But back to Berit. She is not a gifted tennis player. In fact,80% of the time she plays "exhibition." But this year, instead of awarding the captain position to someone who is very good at tennis, they selected someone who is very good at motivating, encouraging and supporting the team. They chose a leader.

Had I not heard O'Hara Devereaux's talk earlier that day ,  I would have been a very proud mom. Having heard the talk,I was proud and something I don't feel very often when it comes to women's issues in the workplace..I was hopeful.

Take two aspirins....

Hearing Justin, the Symantec support person, tell me that there is currently no cure for the virus that has plagued my computer for the last week was like a doctor saying "take two aspirins ,drink plenty of fluids and stay in bed."

What Justin actually said was that there is no cure at this time...that they are working very hard to develop a patch and check back in 48 hours. He also recommended that I avoid the Internet.

I don't take a sick day when I have a cold and I doubt that I can stay off the Internet for the next two days.

The virus is trojan.vundo. It has been around for a while and Symantec does have a virus remover for the older version. But, as Justin explained, this is a new virulent version and there is no cure, yet.

So prior to calling Symantec and prior to pulling out my American Express card which I fully intended to use to purchase the $69 premiere virus remover service,  I spent two hours this morning trying to remove a virus that is not removable.

As a result, I'm stuck with a sluggish computer and Norton Alert Windows screaming at me that my computer is infected.

Justin didn't have a solution on how to close the window. It seems that will stay until the cure is discovered.( I do have the window minimized, but its still there annoying me)

So here's what I don't get. Since I was in the phone queue for 20 minutes, couldn't they have had a message about this virus and explain that there isn't a cure,yet? Why not send out an email saying that the removal tool won't work and to check back in 48 hours. Did I really need to spend two hours scanning every bloody file in my computer?

Today's bout with trojan.vundo followed yesterday's demise of my Linksys wireless router. Despite hours and hours last week talking to Shamit in India, Fernando in Argentina and Lakshmi,back in India,the problems of the wireless dropping the internet connection continued.

Yesterday I spent couple of hours on the phone with Morris  in India who fixed the problem for about 5 minutes. When I called back, I chatted with Sandep and explained that I really needed to talk to a supervisor. I got the supervisor. His name was  also Sandep.

Either that is a very popular name or it is the name of the day. I no more think Morris'  name is Morris then I think both of these guys were named Sandep.

At the end of a very frustrating day I decided it was time to bury the Linksys and go to Best Buy and get a new model. So far, so good. The new model hasn't kicked me off yet. Now if I can just remember to send in the  two rebates on time.

So now I have a wireless router that works but a computer that should be avoiding the Internet.

Oh, did I mention when I started to dry my hair this morning my hair dryer blew up?

Maybe, I'll reconsider that sick day.

IPA Challenges Forbes

The comment from "TruthBearer" started out this way.

"It's sad. Very sad, actually. You managed to take a Daniel Lyons Forbes article at face value.

You just assumed that Lyons' account of the O'Gara story was correct. Not bothering to actually look around and see, well, him and O'Gara are the only ones who look at it that way."

TruthBearer was referring to a post I had written about a Forbes.com article , The Attack of the Bloggers ( The article is now archived).  The article included a sidebar story about a journalist, Maureen O'Gara who was supposedly fired after bloggers went on a rampage over her story and demanded that the online publication remove her story. The article included a quote from the editor in chief defending his decision to not publish future articles from Ms. O'Gara.

"What are my options?We have criminal people who were taking us hostage, trying to destroy my business,"says Sys-Con Chief Fuat Kircaali

TruthBearer then directed me to a link with the headline IPA Lashes Out Against Forbes.com. The link is to a copy of a letter that the Internet Press Guild sent to Forbes concerning inaccuracies in their reporting.

"Some facts, which were publicly available, were omitted in the story or given a different connotation that misleads the readers. For example,

1) "Bloggers all but got O'Gara fired." In point of fact, the parties lobbying most heavily for the termination of her contract were not bloggers, but the editors of Sys-Con's own LinuxWorld Magazine. And the statement is doubly inaccurate, because bloggers couldn’t have gotten O'Gara "fired," since she was not an employee of Sys-Con Media. She was a freelancer, and a blogger herself.

2) The story also omits such aspects of O'Gara's reporting, which caused the editors to ask for her contract's termination.

These included such stalking behavior as describing the interior of Jones’ alleged apartment, publishing photographs of the exterior of her and her mother's alleged dwellings, casting aspersions on Jones' religious beliefs and referring to Ms. Jones in inflammatory terms such as 'a harridan'. Is it any wonder that the Sys-Con editors were concerned with being associated with this type of yellow journalism?"

TruthBearer was absolutely right. I took the Forbes.com article at face value. I will admit that when I read the sidebar I wasn't sure it passed the smell test. I was particularly amazed at an editor saying they would pull a story because of hackers.

However, I made the assumption that Forbes.com was printing accurate, reliable and truthful information. When you read the entire letter from the Internet Press Guild you get the impression that the writer, Daniel Lyons, is an incompetent nincompoop.

While the letter sites many inaccuracies in Lyons' article, it does not challenge the quote from the editor, nor does the editor quoted sign his name to the letter to Forbes.

I guess its time for me to actually pick up the phone and try to contact the editor. I will try to reach him today.

I tried to contact TruthBearer. Turns out the email submitted to the blog is a "faux email address."

Maybe its me, but when someone named TruthBearer writes me, I expect a truthful email address.

What's good for the gander....

Whether or not the  Carolina Panther TopCats cheerleaders should have been fired isn't the real issue. The issue is that they were fired when they work in an industry not only turns the other way but celebrates the shenanigans of the sports heroes.

As an aside , could TopCats be a more unfortunate name for the situation?

It is the ultimate double standard. Some are explaining it away by saying that North Carolina is a right to work state and that the members of the team are part of a union.

This is how WCNC.com reported it
No matter what did or did not happen in that bathroom in Tampa the women involved have already lost their good name and their jobs with the TopCats. It makes some people wonder why the women were kicked off the team so quickly. After all, people from the organization have been accused of much worse.

Don't ask.

“I don't know much about that,” Panthers defensive end Mike Rucker.

Seriously, don't ask. The Panthers really don't want to talk about what happened at a Tampa night club. Two cheerleaders Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas were arrested for fighting and accused of other less savory acts. Both were kicked off the team for violating the code of conduct, before they were ever found guilty in court.

But it’s different for the players. Todd Sauerbraun plead guilty to DUI. Chris Terry was charged with domestic violence and police said they found a bag of marijuana and a gun in Muhsin Muhammed's car. All three of the players managed to stay on the team, at least for a little while. A Panthers spokesman wouldn't explain the difference.

Here's the thing. We do need to ask. We do need to know why the double standard exists.

Some argue its all about their "contract".  Give me a break. It's about winning and revenues.

For me its an issue of equal treatment within an organization. If the boys can keep their jobs when they are in trouble, then so should the girls. Regardless if one is union and one is not. Regardless if I think they should be fired. It all has to do with consistency of treatment. Hey, from a marketing perspective, I would think that the TV stations carrying the Panther games would be delighted to have the girls still on the team. It would definitely increase their ratings.

But then even increased revenue can't top a double standard. Imagine that. In this case, what's good for the gander, should be good for the goose.