Moving Expenses

"My big mistake was not negotiating that the company cover my moving expenses back to Sacramento in case the job didn't work out," said Ali.

Less than two years earlier, Ali had negotiated a deal that included a $10,000 moving allowance to Seattle. She only used $2500. Now unemployed and back in Sacramento, she is kicking herself for not stipulating the $10,000 could be used to cover moving costs in the event she was laid off.

Ali was laid off. Her new company downsized.She opted not to stay in Atlanta because her husband of nearly 30 years had remained in Sacramento. They are part of a trend in the 50-something set ---couples opting for commuter marriages .

Earlier this year, KCET aired an interview with AARP's Nancy Griffin on its Life&Times program. Griffin says since 2001 the number of 50 something commuter marriages has tripled.

"Nancy Griffin>> Well, in the past few years, there's been a lot of downsizing and displacement of people over fifty. A lot of people over fifty are getting laid off. They can't find another job in the city they live in. They find a job in a city far away and the couple feels they need their two incomes and so they separate.

Val>> So when they separate, what kind of strain or what effect does that have on the marriage?

Nancy Griffin>> Well, I think it's very difficult. You have the exhaustion of commuting. Very often, a husband or a wife will come home every other weekend, so it's constantly traveling back and forth. Some couples say they like it. They like the distance and the solitude that they get and they say that it makes their relationship more romantic, that the time they do spend together is very highly-charged and they really appreciate each other more because they're not together all the time.

Val>> So do they find that there are more divorces or fewer divorces among commuter couples?

Nancy Griffin>> They haven't been able to study this phenomenon for very long. There is no indication that there is any greater incidence of divorce among commuting couples. However, couples do say that they think about the possibility of infidelity more often. It doesn't mean that they actually act on it, but they think about the possibility."

(If you want to read the entire interview, scroll about half way down on the linked page and look for Griffin's name)

Ali says she'd take another out of state in a heart beat. And, would have no qualms leaving her husband behind.

Like many women of her generation she married right out of college and her Seattle job was the first time she had really lived on her own.She discovered that she liked it.

Her husband did not. About a week before she was laid off, Ali's husband gave her an ultimatum: move back or get a divorce. She opted for the divorce.

Getting laid off changed that. She's now back in St.Louis, sending out resumes .She and her husband just got a puppy.

• NOTE: Ali is a pseudonym. The two cities have been changed.The story is real.