Mirror, Mirror On the wall...

News Flash. The better looking you are, the more money you are going to earn... sort of. CNN.com recently ran an article  with the headline, Do Pretty People Earn More? .

The first time I read the article I missed the all important subhead, "Research, reality can be at odds over the ugly truth".

Instead of seeing that subhead which should have alerted me that there would be a Mary Poppins ending to this otherwise depressing story, my eyes immediately went to the lead paragraph, all in bold:

"Studies show attractive students get more attention and higher evaluations from their teachers, good-looking patients get more personalized care from their doctors, and handsome criminals receive lighter sentences than less attractive convicts. But how much do looks matter at work?"

The article goes on to cite some recent university research which says,

"The ugly truth is that plain people earn 5 percent to 10 percent less than people of average looks, who in turn earn 3 percent to 8 percent less than those deemed good-looking."

Pouring on more bad news, depending on how you feel about the image that looks back at you in the mirror, the pay gap is  portrayed as more severe for guys. I'm not so sure.

The article says,"unattractive  men earn 15 percent less than those deemed attractive, while plain women earn 11 percent less than their prettier counterparts."

Does this mean it's tougher to be a Plain Joe than a Plain Jane? Not to me. Those statistics remind me of tax brackets. 15% of a $20,000 a year job hurts a lot more than 15% of $100,000.

Here's the problem. How does one define attractive or pretty? Do the definitions change depending on the region of the country? What role does age play in how we view beauty?

Does beauty work on a Bell Curve? I want to know how big these categories are. What percentage of people are considered good-looking or attractive? More important, what percentage of the population is considered homely?

"Attractive" is a melba toast term. Don't you have to be really butt ugly to not fit into the attractive category?

The article goes on to cite study after study that shows height and weight are also factors in one's paycheck.

And the conclusion? Here comes the Marry Poppins part of the article.

Don't despair, Bill Gates is 5'9", Jack Welch 5'8" and Ross Perot 5'7".

If that doesn't make you feel oh so much better, the article gives you a teaspoon of sugar worth of advice on how to carry yourself so you'll appear more attractive.

That's right boys and girls, the article quotes "hiring managers" that say confidence is what makes a person attractive. (What a relief, I can control my destiny! Sure, I may not win a beauty pagent but I can act confident)

The article then quotes Gordon Wainwright, author of "Teach Yourself Body Language." who says the way to compensate for a lack of good looks is to "maintain eye contact, act upbeat, dress well and listen well."

Let me get this right.You're earning less money because you're not  attractive, but you've got to spend more money on clothing to compensate. That cheers me up.

But my favorite part of this article is the medicine that's recommending for all of us who are not fortunate to be "lookers". Here's what Wainwright says will make everything all better:

"Stand up straight, tuck in your stomach and smile at people."

Bite me.