Give me Andy Rooney's Desk anyday

Each week on 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney delivers his weekly essay sitting at a very cluttered desk. Okay, it's more than cluttered. It's utter havoc.

I find it very comforting.

Several years ago, someone did a story on 60 Minutes and gave a guided tour of the correspondents' offices. They all looked like the set for Andy Rooney's essays. I smiled. It was, to excuse the expression, so validating.

Back in the day when my boss was the CFO of the firm, he was not impressed with my desk. A member of the clean desk club, he once actually said to me, "Cluttered desks. Cluttered minds."

Now Forbes.com is running an insipid article called Desk for Success. It is so ridiculous that if I had a clean desk, I'd be inclined to clutter it up in defiance.

"A cluttered desk covered with inappropriate knickknacks and photos can be your downfall. Like going on a date, first impressions at the office are often lasting," says Deborah Wiener, an interior designer and owner of Designing Solutions in Silver Spring, MD. "We also make quick judgments about work relationships. You want your desk to say: 'I mean business and I'm ready to move up'."

It gets better--or worse depending on your mindset. So, here's some of the advice that Forbes is handing out for folks who want a Desk for Success.

1. "You can burnish your image by posting news clippings about industry trends or big names in your field in your cubicle or on your office wall"

Burnish? Who the hell uses that word? In case it's not part of your vocabulary it means, among other things, to make shiny or lustrous.

2. As an alternative to "burnishing" news clippings, the article goes on to suggest that if your company does business overseas, a good way to emphasize the scope and size of the business is to display large photos of the office in England, Germany, Japan or China and landmarks from that country .

3. "Photos defining your company's product or service can highlight your desk." The article gives an example here saying if you are a caterer, you could have pictures of "fancy spreads " you've done for various events.

4. Forget that screensaver of waterfalls, dolphins, your beloved pet, flowers blooming or Fourth of July fireworks. In Desk for Success, your screensaver should display your company logo, or mission statement or relate to the type of work you do.

You wouldn't want to display any of your own personality -- is the message if they really knew you they wouldn't like you?

5. Like having photos of your family displayed on your desk? Not such a good idea if you're want to tell people you mean business. Desk for Success says it's fine to keep a small photo album of family shots tucked in a desk drawer to share with co-workers.

You know the statistics. Women with children are less likely to advance in corporations

6. Want some extra attention? According to the Forbes article, a desk lamp is a good way to make your work space stand out in a large room filed with cubicles or a wall lined with offices

The article doesn't specify the type of lamp. Good guess: go traditional.

But my favorite piece of advice isn't about the desk at all. It's about how you should show up to staff meetings.

"... Wiener suggests showing up with a portfolio and a metal pen to underscore your seriousness and attentiveness. Such a pen will cost a little more than a fistful of throwaway plastic ballpoint pens, but it's still cheap enough that losing it won't be a tragedy. Remember: Brushed brass always beats brightly colored plastic. "

Who wrote this junk and what editor approved it?  File it under the category "Are Ya Jokin' Me?" Or better yet, "Forbes, you actually paid for this dribble?"