A holiday tale

It’s not the fact that 95% of companies in a recent survey indicated they are having holiday parties this year.

It's not even the fact that 25% of the companies surveyed said they are spending more on their parties then they did last year.

No, what surprises me is that these holiday office parties are popular.

"Popular" is not a word I would use to describe these parties. Not one to be mistaken for a party girl, I've always regarded holiday company parties more in the vein of a command performance -- something that you had to do -- not something you really wanted to do.

Am I so out of touch with my fellow comrades in work that I couldn't tell a good time if it were right in front of me?

Apparently that is a yes-and- no answer.

A consultant who studies the effects of holiday parties and bonuses on employee morale for several years once told me that, "These parties are more about celebrating the effort and hard work of employees and not so much about the holidays. It's an opportunity for the company to take the time to say thank- you."

Net net: It's hearing management say "Thank You," not the hors d'oeuvres, that makes these parties popular.

That’s not the only thing that makes these parities popular – you can usually count on someone making a complete ass out of themselves…creating an office legend for years to come.

These tales of unseemly behavior are great fun─unless the story is about you.

And so my holiday gift…a cautionary tale.

Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far far away, two young female reporters would get together for a weekly home-cooked meal. One night, as they dined on Chun King Chicken Chow Mein over Minute Rice and a bottle of Nouveau Beaujolais, the silly young girls decided it would be fun to rank their male co-workers. And so, long before David Letterman had a Top 10 list, these two ingénues created their own top 10 – listing which male co-workers they thought would be good in bed.

While the two girls didn’t agree on everyone on the list, they were unanimous on their number one choice. They chose their boss –the news director.

Several months passed. The two girls never breathed a word of the list. But then, on the night of the holiday party, one of the girls, who had one too many rum-and-cokes, decided it was time to go public with the list.

And so it came to pass that one of the young reporters could never quite get excited about going to a holiday office party again.

The moral of the story: Don't share secrets with girls who like rum-and-coke, and  whatever you do,leave the Top 10 List to David Letterman.