Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line: FunnyBusiness

One man's ceiling: Why corporate whistle blowers are both adored and ignored

Paul Simon could have been singing about most people's attitude toward corporate mischief.

There's been some strange goin's on
And some folks have come and gone
Like the elevator man don't work no more
I heard a racket in the hall
And I thought I heard a call
But I never opened up my door
It's just apartment house sense
It's like apartment rents
Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor!
one man's ceiling is another man's floor! There Goes Rhymin' Simon, 1973

If you knew your boss was having an affair with a co-worker and expensing trips and meals that were not so legitimate expenses, would you report it ? Would you gossip about it? Or would you keep your mouth shut and just hope for the best. Most of us decide to leave well enough alone. And its no wonder. As USA TODAY reporter Jayne O'Donnell explores in  Whistle-blowers form a breed apart , the life of a whistle-blower is a lonely one.

Ed Bricker, one of the first nuclear industry whistle-blowers, has nearly made a career out of whistle-blowing. Bricker, 49, says he has faced retaliation since he went undercover for Congress in the 1980s to expose health hazards at a nuclear plant in Hanford, Wash. His crusade has had unwelcome consequences.

Bricker's daughter Debbie Deerwester, now 25, remembers when she and fellow sixth-graders were asked to explain their parents' careers. She said her father was a whistle-blower at Hanford.

"One boy interrupted and said, 'Whistle-blowers are tattletales!' " she said. "I was devastated, because I was proud of what my dad stood for and thought that everyone else saw it the same way."

While corporate whistle- blowers seem to be propelled by "high" values, they are often stomped on by fellow workers.

While a few whistle-blowers gain celebrity status and fortune, many worry if they will ever again be "employable."

While people say they are outraged by corporate scandals, they seem equally as outraged at the people who dare to expose a company's dirty laundry.

A lot of  corporate dirty laundry is never exposed because  freedom of speech does not extend to talking about your employer. In most businesses, talking to the press without the permission of the company is a fireable offense. While corporations certainly have a right to ensure that competitive information such as product development and strategic plans remain confidential, should confidentiality extend to cultural norms?

Is it in the best interests of society that bad behavior in corporations is protected from the glaring view of the media? It's one thing if the business is privately held. But when a business' stock is publicly traded, shouldn't the business' culture be an open-record for investors to assess?

Perhaps, if corporations knew that their cultures would be open to the media's scrutiny, there would be fewer scandals to report and less of a need to have whistle-blowers.

It's like picking your nose. What you do when no one is watching is very different than what you do when you are out in public. .

Post edited 8/09/07.

Virus Alert: Why can't email providers do more?

It arrived in my mailbox at 6:14 PM (6/14 has deep personal meaning to me. It's my birthday. It's also my daughter's and my birth weight--I always liked that I was born on 6/14 and weighed 6lbs14oz.It seems so symmetrical).

It looked very official. However,this was a nefarious email.

Subject line: ERROR

Attachment :  [email protected] zip (1KB)

Dear user of mn.rr.com,

Your email account has been used to send a large amount of spam during this week. Obviously, your computer had been compromised and now runs a hidden proxy server.

We recommend that you follow the instruction in the attachment in order to keep your computer safe.

Best wishes,
mn.rr.com user support team.

Had I not just read about the MyDOOM Virus on MSNBC.com I probably would have downloaded the file and done some major damage to my daughter's iBook. I've been alternating between my daughter's laptop and my son's Gateway for about 5 weeks while my Sony Vaio laptop with docking station is being repaired

So I called Roadrunner, my cable provider who is also my email provider. They confirmed that their mail administrator had not sent the email.

  RR:   "It's probably a virus.
ME:     "What would you like me to do? Would you like me to forward this email so you can see what it looks like?"
RR:      "I'm just the modem guy."
ME:       "Well, I just read about this virus. It's really serious, don't you want to let customers know that     these emails aren't coming from you?"
RR:      “I really can't help you. Try Roadrunner's help site: help.rr.com"

At the site I chatted online with technical support. They sent me an email of the transcript of our conversation.

Karen F:  Thank you, what technical issue may we assist you with?
ELANA:  I received an email from the rr.com user support team saying that I my mailbox had been overcome by a proxy server. There was an attachment that I supposedly needed to download to fix it.  it said it was from the mail administrator and the subject line was error

Karen F:  Actually, that message should have had a top part that said Virus Alert, the e-mail is a virus.

ELANA:  That's what i thought. Is there any way to alert other users that this is a phony email?
ELANA:  Oh, and can I simply delete it?

Karen F:  We understand you are receiving bounced or returned email messages that you have not sent. This is typically caused by viruses such as Klez, Sobig, and the recent Panol virus.  These viruses will disguise their origin by sending email from an email address typically found on the infected system or created at random by the virus. The virus can send out using your email address if you are in the infected person's address book. At this time there is no way of stopping this problem until people who are infected with the virus disinfect their PC.  To ensure your computer is not, and does not become, infected we recommend the use of anti-virus software.  Also, to eliminate these messages, you may want to contact anyone who has your e-mail address in their address book and ask them to do a virus scan.

ELANA:  Okay...well i just feel bad that someone's computer is going to get infected because they think this is a legitimate email. It would be great if RR could list bogus emails on their website so people could check them.

Karen F:  Actually, the problem is that someone's computer is infected, we can send you the information from  on this virus, if you would like, it will come through the chat window

Karen F:  Are there any other technical issues we may assist you with?
Karen F:  Hello, are you still with me?
Karen F:  I'm sorry; other customers are waiting with technical questions. I'll need to discontinue this session now. Please feel free to contact us again if you have any further issues or questions. Should you need to you can refer to this chat with trouble ticket number 24465371. Once again, thank you for choosing Road Runner!
Karen F:  disconnected

Fighting off viruses and spyware is now a daily activity. Today's exercise took over an hour -between calling Roadrunner and staying on hold, and then being put on hold while he checked whether their administrator had sent an email to me and finally particiipating in my online chat with karen .

It took less than a second to remove the infected email. I have spyware software, antivirus software --a virtual pharmacy of stuff.  The computer terrorists are relentless. I'm tired of constantly being on code red alert every day for fear that some icky spy is going to confiscate all my financial records and/or completely blow out my computer.

It's exhausting. It's time-consuming and it’s making me cranky.

What I do know is that had I not just read about the virus, the email looked so legitimate that there is a better than 50-50 chance I would have opened it.  Sometimes I do things without thinking.

The only thing that stopped me was--it was an attachment. I know enough about virus spreading that attachments are the biggest problem.

So I hesitated.  This time.

What I don't understand is why Roadrunner is not more proactive in its efforts to remind consumers that there is a war out there.

What would be so wrong about sending out a sample hoax email? Annotated would be even better..to show us the difference between a legit warning and a counterfeit one.  i really did stare at the email for several miinutes trying to discern whether or not it was real. i looked for bogus signs, I didn't see any..except that attachment.

You'd think since the virus spreader is posing as Roadrunner support that they'd want to do more to protect their image and show customers that they are on our side.

You'd think.

Heard it Through the Grapevine: Corporate Politics of the Rumor Mill

Imagine a scenario where a legislator, working on a committee for women’s rights, is quoted in an interview saying, “No self-respecting small businessman with a brain in the right place would ever employ a lady of child-bearing age.”
The legislator was one of the UK’s representatives to the European Parliament--Godfrey Bloom. Bloom’s thoughts about women and the workplace were quoted in Guardian Unlimited last week.
Not surprising, Mr. Bloom’s musings about women caused a mini Tempest in a Teapot. He later backstroked saying he was just having some fun.

Fun is such a difficult thing to define.

I’m glad he said what he said. Not because I agree with him—is he nuts? But, because I’d rather have him honestly express his opinions out in the open. Most businesses do not support cultures of openness. Instead they are proponents of the corporate rumor mill.

Few rumors are as enticing and fast spreading as those rumors about women who achieve success. The concept of succeeding on merit is still something that hasn't been completely accepted in the business world.

You only have to look at TV to see how prevalent the attitude is. On one episode of the family -friendly drama, American Dreams, a show about American Bandstand in the 1960’s, young Meg has just earned a spot as a permanent dancer on the American Bandstand show. Within a week, a rumor spreads through her parochial school that she got the job because she”put out" for one of the producers. The audience knows this rumor is false—Meg is definitely not that kind of girl.

The idea of women sleeping with the powerful to climb the ladder of success was also depicted on an episode of the WB’s Dawson’s Creek—now in perpetual reruns on TBS. In this episode, Joey (Mrs. Tom Cruise) is struggling with a difficult college professor. The advice of her male friend?  ‘If all else fails, you can always sleep with him.’

Shortly after seeing those programs I was on the phone with Karl, a senior executive in a Fortune 500 company. We’ve been friends for years and were talking about a mutual friend, Gina.

“I heard Gina became a director," said Karl.

Before I had a chance to say ‘isn’t that great news,’ Karl interjected, “Yeah, I heard she was having an affair with her boss.” 

Is the rumor true? Who knows? That’s the viciousness of the rumor. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. And, it has a very long shelf life.

Leora Tanenbaum, author of Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation has spent a lot of time studying the impact of false rumors.

"People still do not believe that women earn their power legitimately. Even though there are so many women in the workplace, the old stereotypes persist. If a woman is competitive, ambitious and not apologetic for it, her sexuality is called into question."

Lydia, drop-dead gorgeous, and in a field requiring her to be on the road for weeks at a time, has had more rumors spread about her supposed sexual escapades than she cares to discuss. Lydia, married to the same man for over 20 years, is the mother of three.

"Have the rumors hurt you professionally?" I asked.

“I have to say no,”said Lydia, "It's just personally painful."
“Why don't you think it's hurt you professionally?”  I asked, somewhat surprised.

"Because in my field, it’s almost expected. People think if you are willing to leave your family for weeks, even months at a time. that you are disengaged from them. It’s just assumed you are going to have an affair.”

How common are these rumors? Do they affect a woman’s ability to lead?  It turns out no one has bothered to do a study on that subject. As a spokesperson for Catalyst, a nonprofit research and advisory organization devoted to advancing women in business, explained, "It would be extremely difficult to try to do a legitimate research study on rumors."

However, a study has been conducted on the effect of false sexual rumors on girls in the 8th through 11th grades. Conducted by the Association of University Women, that study shows about 40% of these girls have been the target of false sexual rumors.

Can we extrapolate here? Tanenbaum thinks we can. That would mean about 40% of working women are subject to false sexual rumors. Should we be outraged?  Of course. Are we? Not really.

Why Not?  Maybe, just maybe, it’s because it’s not only men who believe that women don’t succeed on merit alone.

Note: The names of Karl, Gina and Lydia were changed to protect their identities and their jobs.  Have a story you want to share ? I'd love to hear from you!

The Competitive Advantage of Corporate Speak

"Working Very Tight" was not an expression I was familiar with. In fact it’s not even listed on one of my favorite Blogs Buzzwhack.
The term.”working very tight” came up in a conversation I was eavesdropping on. Actually, it wasn’t as if I had to strain to hear the conversation. It was one of those situations where the four people involved seemed oblivious to the fact that those of us sitting next to them could hear  everything they said.

The four, sitting in the gate area of the airport, were discussing a new company policy requiring them to use their own cars to go to meetings off campus . The problem? They couldn’t expense it.

That’s when one of the co-workers said, “We’re working very tight."  Here’s the thing about buzzwords. If I asked people to guess what it meant, there’s a good chance some people would interpret  the phrase in a very positive way saying their team  had sailed through the forming, storming, norming stages of team development and were now performing like a high performance team should.

Of course, that’s not what it means--at least in this workplace. Working Very Tight obviously means the company is pinching pennies. Bleeding the turnip dry. In the red. About to downsize.

Having an expression that is company-centric is actually a  very common phenomenon.Mary Zellmer-Bruhn, a professor in the strategic management and organization department at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota says,“By being intentionally obscure to the outside it’s hard for people to know what they are up to and to copy them. Having your own language helps organizations maintain a competitive advantage."

Zellmer- Bruhn also says that  having a corporate language plays an important role in the development of the corporate culture. “It makes people feel they are part of a group and that creates loyalty. People are more committed and feel special when they speak a similar language."

Turns out that in corporate speak, like music and books, there are a variety of genres. The genre your company uses says a lot about the culture.

Militaristic Corporate Speak: A company that relies on  terminology like deploy, flying under the radar, and annihilate the competition, probably is a hierarchical command and control organization that is concerned with job titles and clear boundaries.

Sports Oriented Corporate Speak : Companies that like to say there is no “I” in Team , tag-up, and drop the ball, suggest that the organization is more fluid.

Acronym Corporate Speak:Then there are the companies that talk in acronyms. This is a culture that doesn't want to waste time. They charge by the hour and using three syllables throughout the day can add up to lost revenues.

Recently, I was interviewing an executive from an acronym rich culture. As he was talking about the EU, the PD and COI I had to interrupt, multiple times to have him translate.  Truth is I got hung up on EU.—I couldn’t figure out why he was referring to the European Union. I was totally 404. He finally explained he was  talking about the organization’s Economic Unit. Good thing it isn’t a global company that has to deal with the real EU.

On the other hand there are corporate buzzwords that transcend individual corporations. It seems that once a phrase gains some traction and is used 24/7, it can make some people go postal.

Now there's relief for the buzzword challenged. It's called Lingo Bingo.

The Freeman Institute ™ provides this home-made version along with an explanation of game rules on its website.

How to play Lingo Bingo
Very simple. Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally,you've won Lingo Bingo.

Some of the words that you can use to create your Lingo Bingo Card:

Synergy, Strategic Fit, Core Competencies, Best Practice, Revisit,
Paradigm, Bottom Line, Result-Driven, Out of the Loop, Benchmark,
24/7, Ball Park,                 Game Plan ,               Client Focus[ed], Mindset,
FastTrack, Win-Win,        Value-Added,              Empower [ment],          Leverage,
Take That Offline, Think Outside the Box ,At the End of the Day ,Proactive, Knowledge Base

You can  also get a  free pre-made Lingo Bingo card from Business Buzzword Bingo

That's about it.  G2G. BRB next week.

Have a story?  I want to hear it! The success of this column depends on people sharing their stories-- so whether its a boss, co-worker, corporate policy or just general corporate nonsense, let me hear from you --your identity and the identity of your place of employment will be protected.  The goal is to tell the story, not get anyone fired.

Are Open-toed Shoes Appropriate Business Attire?

Until the summer of 2002, I thought wearing open-toed shoes was fashion forward. Now I know its a corporate taboo.

I had no idea that by baring my toes, I was sending messages I might not want to send. I was not aware that wearing open-toed shoes to work was tantamount to flying the wrong flag.

A friend, who’s a banking industry consultant, was the first to inform me she would never wear open-toed shoes on a client call.

“ Why not?” I asked naively.

“Well,” she started, trying to be diplomatic, “the banking industry is conservative. The women all wear pumps.”

It reminded me of when I was 11 years old and living in a small town in Appalachia. We were “imported Yankees,” and often not aware of local custom. Being unaware, my family thought it was perfectly fine for me to walk home from school.

But, I found out differently. One day I asked my friend Beth to join me. She asked her mother, who firmly said, “No. Ladies don’t walk.”

Some 40 years later I learn ladies don’t wear open-toed shoes to work. Where have I been?

My friend Janie works for a private college with a written policy forbidding open-toed shoes unless you are wearing pantyhose or socks. Now that’s a fashion statement.

Just this week, Target Corporation announced it was initiating a 20 page dress code for all employees it includes such details as where open-toed shoes can be worn.

Now, if you go into any shoe department in any department store, chances are you are going to find a lot of open-toed shoes. Somehow, shoe designers must not be aware nor care that in corporate America, open -toed shoes can be “distracting.” Some say the taboo is based on grooming concerns, but others say the problem is open-toed shoes make a woman’s foot look sexy. That's right. Women who wear open-toed shows are telling the world they think " I'm too sexy for myself."

How serious is the open-toed shoe controversy? Well, even Victoria’s Secret’s dress code forbids open-toed shoes in their retail stores.

For emphasis let me repeat. Even Victoria’s Secret forbids open-toed shoes. Yes, the company that is now promoting pink bras and panties with attitude, daring, darling and all about fun forbids employees in their stores to bare their pink pedicures.

What am I missing here?

I've really been struggling with this. I just don't understand the problem with toes. I understand not allowing pants that show cracks when people bend over, I understand not allowing camisoles and I even understand not allowing blue jeans.

However, I really didn't understand the open-toed shoe issue until I read a
passage in Nuala O’Faolain’s best-selling novel, My Dream of You . The main character, Kate, explains why she loves pedicures. According to Kate, painted toes signal how feminine a girl is, deep down, even if she doesn't make any other show of it. In other words even when she's in a Talbot Navy Blue Suit with matching navy pumps.

Finally, I have a theory. The open-toe controversy isn’t about grooming. Or being sexy. It’s about femininity. Corporate America prefers women in pumps because Corporate America still prefers to deal with women who choose not to show how feminine they are…deep down.

Image Credit: Flickr member Hakimonooohi. Image added August 2007.

Question: Is the open-shoed controversy simply American-centric or is this a world-wide phenomenon? let me know!

Tags: business, fashion, women's issues

 

 

Relapse: When your so called "repaired" computer doesn't work

It was with bated anticipation that I opened the DHL Delivery Box containing my Sony Vaio Laptop with Docking Station. It had been a long three weeks.

There is an expectation that when you send equipment to a professional repair service, that unless otherwise notified, it will come back repaired.

Is that concept too twentieth century?

While the computer had multiple problems-- the CD drive doesn't always read CDs --one of the major problems was that without the docking station, my laptop can only work on battery power. The entire AC Power system was completely messed up. 

For a while I was able to wrap a rubber band around the plug , then stretch the double-knotted bright purple rubber band to the top of the screen--- somehow that would keep it powered.  But, after several months. even the purple rubber band didn't work. And, a laptop with docking station that doesn't really work away from the docking station, kind of defeats the purpose.

While the fixer uppers did replace the part ( the thingamajig that you plug the AC adapter into was bent-- could my purple rubber bands  have had a role in that?) they evidently didn't test the computer to see if the new part worked ,or if that was the only reason the computer didn't work when hooked up to an electrical outlet.

So within five minutes of taking the cleaned up computer out of the DHL Delivery Box,and feeling like a long lost friend had finally come home, I had to accept the fact that we would only have one evening together. In the morning, my computer would have to be readmitted into BestBuy/Geek Squad.

"You get bumped to the front of the line on a redo, " they assured me as I explained that the repair didn't quite fix it.

At the time I didn't ask what percentage of equipment had to go through the REDO process. My professional curiosity wasn't peeked. I only cared about me and my computer. I should find that out. Plus, now that I am thinking about it, I think they should throw in an extra de-spyware program when that happens. You know something that makes customers  feel like they really feel our  pain for being inconvenienced for yet another 10-14 days because of their incompetence.

"Great, " I said, " So, I'll have it back by Tuesday?"

"Geez,' the technician explained in a very practiced monotone voice, " it still takes a good four days of travel time. We're not quite sure where they're going to send this."

Resigned, I left.  I actually thought to myself , "What else could I do? "I'd have to be patient and wait.

Then, last night I read about one man's three-hour experience at an Apple Store

It wasn't the first time that I was confronted with the cold hard facts that if I had an Apple I probably wouldn't be plagued by Kruegerware, crashes, error reports, and  ever more threatening viruses that could kidnap all my bank records or kill my computer completely.

I could have had an Apple. Until two and half years ago, I was an Apple girl all the way. But, at the time ,many online meeting services were not Apple Friendly. It was business over passion. I went PC.
It's been a lonely world every since.

And so now I wait. My PC is in the repair shop and I have no idea when its returning.
If things had just been a little different, it could have been me at the genius bar.

Maybe next time.

Reflections of a Corporate "Lame Duck"

Tyler is a corporate lame duck. When his company was bought by a major competitor eightteen months ago, Tyler knew the odds of keeping his job were slim to none. Tyler doesn’t care.

After almost 20 years climbing the corporate ladder to reach an executive wrung, Tyler has had enough. In four months, when his current tour of duty is complete, Tyler plans to enroll in school and get his teaching certification. It will be a long way from the executive level position he now holds. Tyler can’t wait.

“ So," I asked, “what is a day in the life of a lame duck executive?”

“It doesn’t involve a lot of work,” he deadpanned. “I take long lunches and spend a couple of hours each afternoon working out in the exercise facilities in our building.”

“Doesn’t anyone notice that you’re not working?”

“My direct boss keeps giving me these projects that he thinks are important and will take up time. They’re not important, and they take no time.”

“You must be doing something with your time,” I pressed.

“I am keeping a journal of all the stupid things that have happened since the merger. So far, I have 72 entries. My hope is that Harvard Business Review will be interested once I’m out of here.”

With that, Tyler shared the entry 58, entitled “The future’s so bright we gotta wear shades.”

Shortly after the merger, it occurred to the new management that they might be having some cultural issues. To employees it had been abundantly clear for several months that the two cultures were as compatible as the Palestinians and Israelis. But to make sure, management spent thousands of dollars having an outside consultant confirm that yes, culturally, the two organizations were not compatible.

As Tyler explained, “Management’s solution was to create a culture program to promote the wonderful future of the new organization.”

A culture program, it turns out, is really an internal promotions campaign. Using the same methodology as a brand image advertising campaign, Tyler’s management believed by advertising the concept of a great corporate future, employees would believe they would have a great future with the corporation.

The culture program was called “The future’s so bright we gotta wear shades”.  The promotion including handing out sunglasses to all employees. It’ wasn’t well received.

“The CEO told me he was really frustrated that employees weren’t responding to the sunglasses message,” explained Tyler. “The CEO said, ‘I’m psyched about it. It’s a great and I think if I could come to your team personally and hand out the sunglasses, they’ll think it’s a great message to.”

A member of Tyler’s team tried to dissuade him, reminding the CEO t that 95% of the people on the team were scheduled to lose their jobs by November 2004. In addition, thanks to a new calculation, their compensation package had been reduced 15-20%. In other words, The CEO was told Tyler’s team didn’t care about the corporation’s future.

“Did he listen to you?”

“Of course not.” Tyler boomed, “The message is ridiculous. It’s like a governor going around to people on death row and asking what can I do for your vote. I know you’re going to die three days after the election, and I’m not going to pardon you, but I really need your vote.”

The CEO came to the meeting, but he did not conquer. He handed out the sunglasses. After the meeting, he asked Tyler why people had fallen asleep during his presentation.

Tyler didn’t say anything. But, he excused himself saying he had to take care of a project. It was Project Journal. Entry 58. You can’t make this stuff up.

Note: The character Tyler is a real person. His name is changed.  While his company did do a promotion and handed out tchotchkes to symbolize their growing culture, the campaign was not " The future is so bright you gotta wear shades," it was something similarly promotional. Tylers name and the actual promotion were changed to ensure that Tyler wouldn't get fired.

Computer Sick Days- Survey Results & Home Remedies

It is now 18 days and counting since I handed over my  Sony Vaio laptop with docking station to the good folks at the Geek Squad to figure out why the computer suddenly and unexpectedly stopped working. Okay it wasn'€™t a complete surprise.¦More about that later.

Was it a fatal virus? Did it have mechanical problems from old age? It is two and half years old ,€”according to my computer advisors the life expectancy of a computer is about three years tops.

Did it just need some replacement parts and then it would be as good as new?

Who knows.  I just know when it comes to my computer, it seems to need a lot of tender loving care. I am no Florence Nightingale. 

Not so long ago Yahoo sent a survey to 2500 people in the UK to ascertain how much work time is lost by computer crashes, spy ware, and spam email.
According to the findings, an average of nine work days are lost due to computer ills. That'€™s an average of two more days than their computer counterparts take due to illness.

Are our computers as sickly? Last week I invited readers to share their thoughts. Maybe it was the holiday week. Maybe it's because this blog is so new...instead of having 2500 responders I got five. 

So based on this rather small sampling …here is what the survey shows.

• 50% of the participants say their computers are only ill 1-3 days a year
• 25% say their computers are ill 4-6 days
• 25% (that would be one survey participant) indicated they had lost between 7-10 days due to computer ills.

When it comes to their own sick days, this is a healthy bunch. 60% said they didn't have time to take a sick day and the one respondent who took time away from work only took 1-3 days.

So what does this mean? From the sample it means that Americans computers and their worker bees are a lot healthier than their counterparts across the pond.

Maybe it's because these responders follow a computer wellness lifestyle.
They have Norton Antivirus on their computers. They have spam blockers and spy ware blockers. They shut off the preview window in Outlook and trash an email from unknown or questionable sources.
They follow, as one participant said, "a vigil based on fear and loathing."And when all else fails one participant explained, "I pray to the PC goddess daily.  I back up critical files and oh, I have at least two computers so I have second to back me up."

Even prior to this current illness, I would guess that my computer definitely eats up between 7-9 days in crashes, error messages, and spyware and general temper tantrums.

The truth is while some people have recurring dreams. I have recurring technical nightmares. In the past my strategy has been ignore it, reboot and hopefully the problem will disappear. Not so long ago my computer started sending me messages. At the same time it  simultaneously began to hum.

I was in no mood for computer messages. I had just dealt with that problem two weeks earlier. At that time, it took 90 minutes talking to Mark form Microsoft to solve it, and mentally, I wasn't prepared for my computer to send me messages for at least six months.  I decided to ignore the message, hoping beyond hope, it would disappear.

I couldn'€™t ignore the humming. What if it the computer was trying to tell me it was to experiencing a fatal infarction that would leave me with one dead computer? I decided on a home remedy: I whacked the laptop.  When that didn't work, I turned the computer upside down and shook it --€”gently at first. Then, in desperation, I shook it like I was making shake and bake chicken.  It worked.

Then a month ago, my laptop accompanied me on a trip to Chicago. Everything was fine until I got to Midway airport for my return flight. I found an outlet, sat yoga style on the floor and attempted to boot up.
Nothing. Well, not exactly nothing--there was the panic.  After about 15 minutes of alternating holding on the start button and fast tapping on the start button,  the computer miraculously booted up.

So when the same symptom occurred a few weeks ago, I didn't panic. I just repeated the Midway Airport technique. I held and then I fast- tapped  alternating between tapping and holding for up to an hour.

It was a waste of time. I knew it while I was doing it but then again hope always springs eternal.