FunnyBusiness: Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line

Lost in Translation

As frustrated as I get talking to folks at call centers in India -- and it is a frustrating experience 90% of the time-- it is still better than trying to deal with companies who just don't think its important to give customers the option of a phone call.

Just today I wanted to try a new software called Notepager,I discovered it at a blog called Small Business Software which is run by the parent company of Notepager.

The concept sounds great. You install some software, create a recipient list and you can send txt messages via your computer. Why is that important? Primarily because I have a 17 year old daughter whose primary communication method is TXT messaging.

But also, TXT messages are a lot less invasive than the phone and  there are many people I deal with in business that don't have a PDA or Blackberry Being able to send a quick TXT message to a regular cell phone is just easier than leaving a voicemail.

The only problem--I can't get it to work. I read the instructions but something is getting lost in the translation of the setup wizard. I am obviously not understanding something that I need to do.

I have tried it three times. I believe in the three strikes and you're out philosophy of doing business.

 Yes, they have support forums up the yahzoo but I don't have the time or inclination to figure out which topic will provide me with the answers I need. Once I am at the point where I can't interpret the instructions, I want a translator and that usually means I want someone to talk to.

 This company doesn't  even have a technical support email system that I can send my questions to. So I sent it to the webmaster.If I don't get an answer soon I will be requesting a refund.

Then there is the design company that requests are discussions about layouts and creative design be conducted through a password protected communication system.

I sent the requirements, expecting the graphic designer would contact me to discuss the project. Instead they presented a layout. It was all wrong.

We gave feedback via their note system  and explained what we wanted.They revised.It was still all wrong.

We gave additional feedback. I wanted to call. They don't do business via the phone.They came back with yet another design, and it was still wrong.

My client, who also  believes in the three strikes and you're out philosophy of business, has instructed me to send them a note saying the job is cancelled.

Normally it is not something that I would do via a note. However, since that is how they want to do business, that is precisely what I did.

While I understand there is a benefit in having everything written so you have precise documentation, a quick 10 minute phone call would have been all the graphic designer would have needed to understand exactly what we were looking for.

After that call, if the graphic designer wanted to send a note confirming our requests.just for the documentation, then that would have been terrific.

But that's not how they are choosing to do business. Had they just picked up the phone at the beginning of the project, they would have saved time and kept a client.

Image Credit: Flickr image by MireO5

Tags: business, communication, mobile phones, software, advertising, customerservice

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Help Ms. Jen Complete her Master's Thesis

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Feel like doing  a good deed today? Jen ,who has a blog called Black Phoebe::Ms. JEN, is working on her thesis for her master's degree and wants five minutes of your time. Here's her request:

I am currently working on my thesis for my master's degree on Moleskine to Mobile: How Creative Professionals are using the Mobile Devices.

I would love if you could take 5 mins. to fill out the following survey about your mobile usage. If you have practices and opinions that you would like to share and be on record for, please fill out your name and email and I will interview you

Take the Survey:http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=557101809700

I took the survey. It does just take five minutes and I learned about some software that I need to look into --plus its motivating me to use my mobile for more creative purposes.

Blackberry, Crackberry

The email from the Wall Street Journal was stamped 6:51 p.m. I viewed it at 7:23. It would have been sooner, but I had been at the gym working out and decided to leave the Blackberry at home.

"Hello,I am a reporter at the Journal in New York writing a story about how people will adjust if their BlackBerry service is suspended due to the ongoing lawsuit. I saw a blog post of yours and was wondering if I could ask you a few fun and quick questions regarding you use of the device this evening or early tomorrow..."

Two minutes after I left her a message, we began a conversation on my alleged addiction to my Blackberry. A snippet of the conversation is captured in the WSJ today ( no subscription necessary)

Here is what didn't make it.

I check emails at stoplights.

I have been known when there is no traffic to glance at an important email while driving -- I know, I know. My rationale ( and I know its an excuse not a rationale) is that its no different than reading a map or directions while driving. And at least I'm not putting on mascara.

I'll glance at emails during long meetings.

Oh, and being an insomniac, before I turn on my computer in the middle of the night, I'll glance at the Blackberry.

It's hard to believe that Blackberry is really going down. But then it is a Federal Judge in Richmond-- when I was  a reporter in Richmond I covered those courts. There was one judge ( this goes back 30 years) who was really unreasonable.

One day, an attorney was making a pleading  to the judge. The only people in the courtroom were the judge, the attorney, myself, and another reporter.

The judge had the room set up so that a podium faced the jury box. As the attorney started addressing the court, the judge demanded that the attorney face the jury box -- which would have been okay accept it meant it was talking to the wall since there were no jurors sitting in the jury box.

The attorney protested. The judge demanded. The judge won. it is in his memory that i await the outcome of Blackberry's fate. Good luck.

Notes From The Road-Baxter MN

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In less than four hours I am going to have to plug my client's projector into my HP Pavillion laptop computer and conduct a three- hour workshop on marketing for nonprofits.

Normally the thought of plugging a projector into my computer wouldn't cause me angst. But then, that was before both my Blackberry and iPod fritzed after electronic copulation with said laptop.

On the superstitious scale I'm probably a 1.5

I don't throw salt over my shoulder, but I do knock on wood.

I have no problem opening an umbrella in my own house, but would never open it in someone else's...just in case they are superstitious.

Breakng a mirror doesn't freak me out but having both a Blackberrry and an iPOD have their collective electronic brains fried after an interaction with my computer does cause me to pause.

Greetings from Baxter, MN. I'm on the road this week, conducting a series of marketing workshops for nonprofits in Northern Minnesota and Northwestern Wisconsin.

Knowing that I will be  Blackberry-less  for my entire road trip is a challenge for me. Okay, it's actually more than a challenge. I am having Blackberry withdrawal. It's not so bad when I'm in my hotel room -- I have access to email via my computer, but the two hour drive to Baxter was unnerving. 

It was only after I started thinking how nice it would be to have a pack of cigarettes-- a vice I gave up almost 30 years ago that-- I realized I was addicted to that Blackberry.

Now the desire to pick up a pack of Virginia Slims may have been my minds way of transferring my Blackberry withdrawl symptoms to my more potent withdrawl symptoms to nicotine,or it could have been enhanced because my ALAMO rented SUV definitely has a tobacco infused aroma to it.

Either way, as soon as I saw the Golden Arches I decided to feed my other serious addiction ---caffeine-- the idea being if at least one addiction was taken care of , I could cope with the others.

The strategy worked.

But I was unsettled and when the directions I used from Mapquest took me to a deadend road my superstitious meter had cranked up to 3. Using my backup cell phone I tried to call 411 to get the right directions

Unfortunately, Baxter is part on my extended coverage area and instead of getting directory assistance, I connected with SPRINT's automated customer service center. Despite banging on the ZERO numerous times, the auomated system insisted that I give them my cell phone number.

I was thrilled to learn that my current balance with SPRINT is Zero which is great news since my carrier is Verizon Wireless. After about five minutes I finally got a customer service rep who insisted that the reason I was being routed to SPRINT was because there was a block on my service.

I was now hovering at 5 on the my superstitious-o-meter. I was not liking how things were going. And, of course it had started to snow.

I  finally gave up trying to get Sprint to understand what happened, and hightailed it over to the Super America where a customer gave me the right directions to my hotel.

The clerk at the hotel explained that the bad directions were due to the fact that the city had given the hotel a new  street address last year and the online services hadn't had time to update their systems.

Changing street numbers is not something I've ever heard of before. I asked the clerk why the city did this, he didn't know. I don't think he cared as much as I did.

All I can say is if you are heading to the Hawthorn Inn & Suites in Baxter,ignore Mapquest's suggestion to take a right on Meredith Road. You don't want to go there.

I got into my room just fine but as I was unpacking I realized that I was sans contact lens container and much more upsetting --I had walked out of my house without my moisterizer.

My superstiticious meter is now at an alarming 7.

Make that 9. I just tried to spell check this post and spell check is on the fritz.

Anyone want to place bets on the lifespan of that projector?

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Blackberry Blues aka Playing the Canada Card

If you read between the headlines, what you'll discover about the Blackberry Bru-ha-ha is that it has as much to do with Canadian pride and nationalism as patent disagreements.

Here's how the Wall Street Journal( linked for those of you who have subscriptions) described the crux of the issue:

"The patent fight involved RIM's use of technology to send email wirelessly and automatically, and without a need to manually retrieve messages. A jury found RIM infringed NTP's patents, rejecting the company's defense that since BlackBerry emails are sent through a Canadian network U.S. patents don't apply."

That's right. RIM is playing the Canada Card. But, they may not be playing it so much for the 4 million U.S. thumbers as they are to the hometown crowd.

About a year ago Engadget wrote a great post on the law suit that explains the issues so that any thumbalina can understand. However, for me, the power of this post is in the comments. Specifically comment 5 from JM

"Both foreign and Canadian investors alike are still really shaky on Canadian technology companies with Nortel still not being "yesterdays news" Although their markets are very unique, RIM is going to bring back memories of Nortel in the eyes of ignorant investors, who do account for a significant amount of capital."

JM goes on to say,

"But im sure if a company in the states who has MIT as a neighbour wouldn't be so frightened, so why should canadians lose so much faith in a company that owes much of its success to our research and technology powerhouse? I mean, there must come a time when us Canadians finally appreciate our ability to create. Part of the technology might have been drawn on paper somewhere else in the world. But Im sure that if American companies that have screwed so many people over, from every country even their own, RIM certainly could do it too."

In the meantime, I'll keep my thumbs waltzing along my Blackberry's keyboard, remaining cautiously optimistic that the parties in question will reach an agreement so that Thumbalinas like me can continue to receive our mobile emails in the style that we have grown accustomed to.