FunnyBusiness: Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line

On The Road To Bloger-First Stop Atlanta aka What's with all these supersized electrical plugs?

On any given business trip there are a certain amount of electronics that accompany me. Can anyone explain why we have to have such big honking plugs? Unless you travel with a power strip ( which didn't occur to me until this very second)   you have to use a divide and conquer strategy for plugging in all your stuff in the hotel room because  these plugs --or are they adapters ( and what is the difference?)won't share a standard two plug outlet...they're TOO BIG.

A few months ago I purchased this iGo adapter.    I use it for my blackberry. The idea is that you you can use I adapter and then change the tip for your various electronic devices.Which is a great concept except when you need to charge two devices at the same time. Say when you need to charge your blackberry at the same time you want to listen to your iPod.

Along for the trip is my adapter for my soni mini recorder. I detest this adapter/plug. It will only fit in the bottom outlet. The prongs fold when its not in use.I guess the idea is for easy packing but it takes a tool to pry out the prongs from their resting position and then when you think you have it good to go, it snaps back into the resting position. Who has time for this?

And, then there is the  plug for my RAZR(so I could take these pictures). I can charge my blackberry with this charger but I can't  charge my RAZR with  my Blackberry  plug.

Last but not least the plug/adapter for my laptop. It has stuff coming and going from both ends.

If I hadn't lost the plug to my portable speakers to listen to my iPod  when I moved in October I would have brought that along as well.

In the short-term since hotels can't offer more outlets,  I want hotels to offer powerstrips.  In the near future I want everything to go wireless. No more plugs. No more long cords.  I want to take one standard Bluetooth mega charging thing ( that is small and cute and easy to pack) and then I want to be able to charge everything from that one source.

Where are the Jetsons when you need them?

Lexar JumpDrive Recalled for fire hazard

The Consumer Product Safety Commission is recalling 60,000 Lexar JumpDrive Firefly USB Drives..saying they are a potential fire hazard. If you own one of these drives,you can receive a free replacement by contacting Lexar at (800) 248-2798 anytime, or visiting the firm’s Web site at www.lexar.com

While Lexar is embroiled in a product recall, Sony has just launched the MicroVault --the tiniest flash drive yet and as the folks at Me, My,Coke And I quipped "probably the easiest to lose". the folks at Me,My Coke & are also featuring some wonderful products that any business person may want. For folks who travel and miss those airline pillows, there's the Aromatherapy Travel Pillow

But the piece de resistance is the Keyboard Food Tray

This is a case where the picture says a 1,000 words about our culture, work style and the oft missed lunch break.

Notes from the Road-Seattle Day 2 aka who kidnapped my Google?

If someone can just explain how one minute your Google Toolbar is at the top of your screen and then with the speed of a click, it's gone. Not hidden. Not tucked away. It's gone.  Where did it go? When I left my hotel room yesterday morning, the Google Toolbar was safely ensconced along with  toolbar icons for my.del.icio.us, pluck, furl, skype etc.

It's as if my Google is a victim on an online kidnapping. Here's what I realized. I'm a Google girl.I have enormous brand loyalty.  Having to rely on Yahoo! for my searches is unsettling,

None of this would be a big deal if I didn't run into a problem re-installing the Toolbar. Right now Spy Sweeper is doing a total system sweep and hopefully within the hour Google will be back in my browser smiling down on me.

Smiling is something that definitely didn't occur in the Used Book Store I visited on Sunday. The first thing I noticed was this sign:

BEWARE OF CAT

Petra, our orange and white cat, will sometimes scratch with little warning.

The human serving as the information guru, check out guy and one and only person working the shop was not the kind of person that made you want to return on a regular basis. Also Petra was sitting in the chair right next to him-- kind of like a guard cat.

I was hoping to find a copy of Jonathan Safran Foer's Everything is Illuminated and ventured up to the counter, keeping a watchful eye on the unpredictable Petra.

The human didn't bother to get  out of his chair but decided to share his view on Mr. Foer's writing ability. It was a rapid fire discourse on how bad the book was --he didn't actually finish the book but instead burned it because it represented "everything wrong with the American society and it was completely solipsistic."

Later he added that no American in the past 15 years had written anything worth reading. He shared that he reads poetry.

Knowing that I would never go into this establishment again, I confessed that I had no idea what solipsistic meant (and I struggled to pronounce it)

The human spelled it for me and then said it meant self-centered.

Not exactly, if you trust Merriam-Webster vs "I only read poetry guy"  Solipsism actually means  "a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing"

When I looked for synonyms, Merriam Webster Thesaurus replied, " No entries found that match solipsism."

Here's  my shout out.  I now feel invested in the word  and would very much like to add it to my patois. Afterall, since I have now taken the time to learn how to spell and say it, I'd like to drop it into casual conversations...often. But the definition provided by Merriam Webster doesn't give me the confidence to use it as if I really own it. I want to own this word. So, I'd like to see it used in a sentence that I can understand. Perhaps there's a character in a book, movie or maybe a politician who has solipsistic characteristics. I look forward to your shares.

If I am successful with adding solipsism to my patois it will be my second new word  for 2006...the first being Schadenfreude-- a word I'm absolutely delighted to know and one that seems to have caught the imagination of media pundits.

In case you are not familiar with schadenfreude it means taking delight in other's miseries.Listen up, I predict it could become as beloved by the media as their absolute love affair with "gravitas."

-

Getting The Ask

As a consumer, I am always interested in how different companies respond to "The Ask". " The Ask" is usually a request to reduce a charge, upgrade a service or provide extra perks because you are a good customer and most important, because your request is not only reasonable, it's fair.

Just yesterday I succeeded in getting "The Ask" for my daughter Berit and I have at least 24 hours of goodwill because of it. As it turns out a lot of people were going for "The Ask" this weekend.

Driving to the car dealership this morning for what I thought was a major problem ( I thought one of the potholes I hit had caused my car to shimmy--the customer service rep took one look at my car and said, " Did you notice your left tire needs air?)

I was listening to one of my favorite radio talk shows, Ian and Margery, a husband a wife team. Their conversation  centered on their weekend " Ask"  with their mobile phone provider. As they told the story, Margery said she  had lost her cell phone in October. She immediately called her provider to see if someone was using it.

They weren't.

She checked the next month. They weren't. Evidently Margery doesn't use her cell phone quite as much as I do because at this point she assumed the cell phone must be somewhere in her home .

As my daughter Berit likes to say, "assuming makes an ass out of u and me."

Fast forward to December and all of a sudden there is $175 in charges for ring-tones and wallpaper.

When Margery asked her mobile phone company to reduce the charges , they declined, informing her that since she hadn't filed a police report saying  the mobile phone was stolen,  she was still responsible for the charges.

Over the next two days, both Margery and Ian spent a couple of hours chatting with customer service. They wouldn't budge.

Then they went to a retail store and threatened to take their service elsewhere. The  folks at the retail store level informed them there  was a special department ( the name of which escapes me right now--it was something like the Assessment Department) that evaluated just these types of claims.

After three days, the mobile phone company reduce her bill by 1/3. Margery was happy.

Their weekend plight mirrored mine.However, instead of a cell phone it was the new IPOD video.

Using her hard earned money from the coffee shop, my daughter Berit bought the new IPOD Video. When she got it home she discovered that her OS was too old and wouldn't accommodate the IPOD.

Now to her back story. This was not her first IPOD. This was her 4th. I bought the first...a 10 GB. She outgrew that one and bought a 20. This summer, she decided to upgrade to the 60. Using her money from her job in a coffee shop she made her purchase . At the time she asked when the new video IPODs were being released. She was told not until Christmas.

Three weeks later the video IPODS were released.

So now its Saturday. Berit wants to download video and her computer isn't cooperating.

We go to the genius bar. We tell our tale of woe. Our "Ask", upload the required software on her computer.Our rationale: when she made the purchase no one mentioned her system wouldn't accommodate the video IPOD and since the boxes are not on display, there was no way she could check system requirements until she got the IPOD home.

And besides that, she has owned four previous IPODS.

Sympathetic, the genius tells us  they no longer sell the upgrade she needs and that she can purchase it on EBAY.

I didn't like that answer and told the genius that I wasn't happy. He went to talk to the manager. I took that as a good sign. He came back and said the manager says there is nothing we can do.

At this point my daughter says she'll return the IPOD. They agree to waive the restocking fee.

Then the genius, who I believed was really sympathetic,said the prophetic words,"You can talk to the manager." 

What I've learned is when a floor person offers the manager there's a good chance "The  Ask" will be agreed to.

The manager ushered me into the backroom. He was kind . He was reasonable. Most important, he handed me the software to allow my daughter to use her new IPOD.

My daughter thought I was a genius.

Now back to Ian and Margery. While they are willing to take responsibility for 2/3 of those charges, I think they should go back to their mobile phone provider with another "ASK" . They should "ASK" for a free month of phone service.

When Margery called the company to say the phone was lost, they should have flagged the account. They should have reminded her that she should close the account to avoid any charges just in case the phone had been stolen.

The company didn't do that. Their records should show how many times Margery called checking on the phone.

So to me,their mobile phone provider needs to demonstrate some goodwill and give Margery a month's free service.

As I tell my children, it never hurts to ask.

Happiness is Warm Gun aka Spy Sweeper

Let me just say it is an orgasmic experience to work on a computer that has been brought back from the brink of WinFixer.

In case you are wondering just who is responsible for these hijacking software programs, turns out one of the developers ( not the creator of WinFixer, but there are hundreds of spyware softwares to be wary of) evidently lives in a suburb of Minneapolis.

In fact, the  Geek Squad Double Agent  who spent three hours on Saturday bringing my computer back from the brink has actually repaired the computer of one of those spyware software developers.

Turns out the software developer uses his own computer to "test new software".  Evidently,when it works, the stuff destroys his computer.

So, he calls Geek Squad to get them to remove it from his computer. I guess after that happens he can market it knowing that the spyware will do exactly what his customers want it to do.

This brings a whole new definition to product testing.

My double agent made four house calls to the developer before deciding "no mas."

"I couldn't reconcile repairing a computer that I believe is being used to create software that destroys other computers."

That's not the only thing I learned during his three hour visit. The word of the day is Spy Sweeper.

Prior to my encounter with WinFixer I had ignorantly thought  that Symantec's Norton protected me against both viruses and software. Their advertising says the software will protect my computer against viruses, worms and spyware.

Evidently in the war against computer terrorists you need to have a frigging arsenal of protection.No one product can do it all anymore.

Double Agent Paul's advice -Get Spy Sweeper.

As my fingers are waltzing along the keyboard, I activated SpySweeper to do sweep of my computer. It indicates that the "sweep will take 18 minutes." With 8 minutes to go it has found one pesky piece of spyware.

At 13 minutes the sweep was completed and SpySweeper had detected that  the starware  toolbar was attempting to hijack my computer.

Not today you sucker. Spy Sweeper crushed you into oblivion. Makes a girl sleep better at night knowing her computer is armed and protected. Happiness is....

I mentioned to Double Agent Paul that I had  originally contacted the Norton tech support line about WinFixer and was told, " they were working on a patch and should have a solution in 24-48 hours. "

That was 288 hours ago.  Make a note: Don't wait around for Norton to solve this one.

"They won't be able to create a patch because WinFixer Morphs,"said the Double Agent.

As he explained," the name of the infected file changes every time you try to remove it, making it almost impossible for a company like Norton to develop a patch."

So unless you are very adept at computers-- removing this bugger is a job for the professionals. WinFixer is one of the nastiest things this double agent has already seen.

So what is a computer user supposed to do?

If you don't have spyware protection and the WinFixer faux ad.pops up on your computer..don't close it. ( closing it actually creates the hijacking) Instead,

Click CTRL, ALT, Delete.  However, this only works for the very first time you see the WinFixer message. If it continues to pop up, you've been hijacked.

In that event, run don't walk to a professional tech person who can get it removed.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by a computer user who unfortunately learned the hard way.

.

How to Avoid WinFixer-hit CTRL, ALT, DELETE

The Geek Squad will be coming to my office for a two hour house call tomorrow. After taking a look at my computer, the diagnosis was disturbing. WinFixer is so severe that it is going to take a lot of work to get it up and running again.

Until this morning, I've been eagerly checking Symantec's website to see if they had developed the magic patch. Every time I've called they've said, we're working on it --call us back in 48 hours.

Paul, who  is with the Geek Squad says the virus is so nasty and so specialized that it would almost be impossible for Symantec aka Norton to fix this one.

So Paul will be make a $200 return visit tomorrow and hopefully I'll be back in business. Can't be soon enough for me. Working with an infected computer is like doing everything in slo-mo--the computer version of walking mono.

The question I asked was, How did I get itwhen I have been so very careful. I have Norton. I have Microsoft antispyware. I don't open email attachments from people I don't know and I don't download weird stuff.  I practice safe computer.

I don't open attachments in email and I haven't downloaded anything weird.

Here's what he said and here's why WinFixer is so  brilliantly evil.

According to Paul at the Geek Squad, when the WinFixer message popped up on my screen I made a strategical error-- I closed the window thinking that by closing it I would not bother me. Oh, it popped up even though I block pop-ups.

Turns out the X in the close box is actually how the virus activates itself.  How tricky is that?  I would never have guessed that by simply clicking on the X I was infecting my computer with a killer virus.

What I should have done is hit  CTRL, ALT, DELETE. So please, pass this on to anyone you know. WinFixer looks very official  but it's a computer terrorist.Don't close it. Just repeat after me  CTRL,ALT,DELETE.

This little lesson is going to cost me $200 , hopefully you won't repeat my rather expensive mistake.

Addition December 1, 2005

If you are getting WinFixer popping up all the time, the CTL, ALT, DELETE doesn't work. It only works the very first time the window appears on your computer. Again, but thinking you are ignoring the "offer" and closing the window you've activated it. The only way to get it off is to  (A) know what you're doing with computers or (B) hire a very good technician.

After fixing my computer, The Geek Squad recommended SpySweeper.

Take two aspirins....

Hearing Justin, the Symantec support person, tell me that there is currently no cure for the virus that has plagued my computer for the last week was like a doctor saying "take two aspirins ,drink plenty of fluids and stay in bed."

What Justin actually said was that there is no cure at this time...that they are working very hard to develop a patch and check back in 48 hours. He also recommended that I avoid the Internet.

I don't take a sick day when I have a cold and I doubt that I can stay off the Internet for the next two days.

The virus is trojan.vundo. It has been around for a while and Symantec does have a virus remover for the older version. But, as Justin explained, this is a new virulent version and there is no cure, yet.

So prior to calling Symantec and prior to pulling out my American Express card which I fully intended to use to purchase the $69 premiere virus remover service,  I spent two hours this morning trying to remove a virus that is not removable.

As a result, I'm stuck with a sluggish computer and Norton Alert Windows screaming at me that my computer is infected.

Justin didn't have a solution on how to close the window. It seems that will stay until the cure is discovered.( I do have the window minimized, but its still there annoying me)

So here's what I don't get. Since I was in the phone queue for 20 minutes, couldn't they have had a message about this virus and explain that there isn't a cure,yet? Why not send out an email saying that the removal tool won't work and to check back in 48 hours. Did I really need to spend two hours scanning every bloody file in my computer?

Today's bout with trojan.vundo followed yesterday's demise of my Linksys wireless router. Despite hours and hours last week talking to Shamit in India, Fernando in Argentina and Lakshmi,back in India,the problems of the wireless dropping the internet connection continued.

Yesterday I spent couple of hours on the phone with Morris  in India who fixed the problem for about 5 minutes. When I called back, I chatted with Sandep and explained that I really needed to talk to a supervisor. I got the supervisor. His name was  also Sandep.

Either that is a very popular name or it is the name of the day. I no more think Morris'  name is Morris then I think both of these guys were named Sandep.

At the end of a very frustrating day I decided it was time to bury the Linksys and go to Best Buy and get a new model. So far, so good. The new model hasn't kicked me off yet. Now if I can just remember to send in the  two rebates on time.

So now I have a wireless router that works but a computer that should be avoiding the Internet.

Oh, did I mention when I started to dry my hair this morning my hair dryer blew up?

Maybe, I'll reconsider that sick day.

Unwelcome Company

For the past week or so WinFixer has made itself very comfy cozy on my computer. I have not been amused. Of course, my strategy was to ignore it and hoped that Norton AntiVirus would destroy it without me having to get involved.

Finally this morning I couldn't take it any more and began investigating what I would have to do to kick WinFixer out of my computer.

In case you're not aware of the interloper that goes by the alias WinFixer , it shows itself by popping up as a Internet Explorer Warning saying:

NOTICE: If your computers has errors in the registry database or file system, it could cause unpredictable or erratic behavior, freezes and crashes.  Fixing these errors can increase your computer's performance and prevent data loss. Would you like to install WinFixer 2005 to check your computer for free (Recommended)

When WinFixer invades it just pops up incessantly while you are trying to surf the net. It is a nuisance extraordinaire.

So at 5:00 AM I began the work of getting rid of WinFixer once and for all. I typed in Getting Rid of WinFixer and Google took me to a bunch of threads where techie types talked about.

I found a thread at Virtual Dr. Forums and began reading the instructions.  However once I got to this step I froze:

• Once in safe mode open the VundoFix folder and doubleclick on KillVundo.bat

• You will first be presented with a warning.
  It should look like this
  

• Quote:

VundoFix V2.1 by Atri By pressing enter you agree that you are using this at your own risk.

At this point press enter one time.

Next you will see:

Quote:

Type in the filepath as instructed by the forum staff Then Press Enter, Then F6, Then Enter Again to continue with the fix.

• At this point please type the following file path (make sure to enter it exactly as below!):
  
  
• C:\WINDOWS\system32\vturq.dll

Way too scary and complicated for my limited technical skills. It's now 6:00 A.M.

Next, I found Microsoft AntiSpyware (Beta) and decided to install. Okay, it took three times to get the software to install correctly --couldn't they have reminded me that I needed to turn off Norton when introducing a new spyware fighter to my computer?

At 7:10 A.M, after restarting and starting my computer more times that I wanted to, the spyware software says it has found virtumondo..aka WinFixer. We zap it. I'm feeling quite competent...until...

I restart my computer , try to check email.Microsoft Office won't work. I reboot. It still doesn't work. I do this three times. Finally it works .

Then I retype Winfixer in Google. The search is hijacked. Instead of Google popping up..an AOL Search page appears. It says there are not results for WinFixer.

I'm taking this as a bad sign. I know its a bad sign. I just don't know what it means. It's now 8:50 AM Central Standard Time. I don't have the energy or the desire to continue my spyhunting. My day job awaits.

Universal Signs

"Hey," said Royce, " Do you know the Universal Symbol for "My Butt is On The Line?" At this point,she took a piece of paper and drew a doodle that could have widespread application for the business world( scroll to bottom to see Royce's Universal Symbol)

Royce and I were attending a three -day workshop on organizational systems. The group had been speaking a patois that is not part of my everyday lexicon--physical science, cohorts, chaos and complexity theories and human systems dynamics. I was feeling somewhat out of my element.

That's when Royce decided that she would talk my language and offered up her doodle. Here's the thing. It has widespread applications that could enhance employee relations-- I encourage everyone to start using it.

In fact, I'd like Microsoft to incorporate it in its next version of Outlook.The MY LINE IS ON THE BUTT symbol  could be added as an email icon. Instead of using the ! to let people know that the message was important, the MY LINE ON IS ON THE BUTT symbol could be used.

And of course, it's a natural for post-it notes. If someone hasn't created emoticons just for the business world, here's your start. The idea has legs, someone just has to take it and run with it.

Theoretically, I love the idea of Universal Symbols. However, too often, only the people who created the Universal Symbol know what it means.

Do you know what these symbols mean?

In 1997 the Federal Trade Commission gave the clothing industry permission to use symbols in lieu of words to describe the proper care of clothing.

I would never have discovered these symbols if I had not spent an hour googling my brains out trying to find out the meaning of the symbols on my computer keyboard.

My computer  keyboard has universal symbols on all the "F" keys. I've never been an "F" key devotee but last week an IT specialist told me if I would just press one of my "F" keys I could solve a major problem I've been having with my computer.

Five weeks ago ,after the untimely death of Jalopy, I bought a new HP wide-screen laptop computer with a $200 rebate.

It's now been five weeks since I've been able to use my Samsung Monitor. When I plugged it in to new HP wide-screen, the two decided they just weren't going to communicate.

The IT specialist explained that on most computers you need to manually give permission for your computer to use an external monitor.

Since he was pressing the F4 key as he was explaining this to me, I modeled back, "So I press the F4 key."

"Not necessarily," he explained. "Different computers use different keys for this function."

In an effort to make it easier he said,"Look for the monitor symbol." Before I could memorize that symbol he warned, "Well,some computers use three rectangles as their symbol."

Computer manufacturers should take a hint from the textile folks who have a complete guide on their website telling consumers what the symbols mean. How hard would it be for the computer folks to provide this guide.? Better yet, how hard would it be for the computer folks to agree on the same symbols? Now that would be an elegant solution.

Speaking of elegant solutions, as promised, Royce's Universal Symbol for Your Butt Is On the Line.

Oh and in case you were wondering what those clothing care symbols mean.

1. Machine wash, warm ( if it had one dot it would have been machine wash, cold)

2.Non-Chlorine Bleach When Needed

3.Tumble Dry, Normal, Low Heat

4. Iron, Medium

Blame it on the Telekinesis

Telekinesis--sometimes called psychokinesis (PK) is basically the ability to use your mind's energy to do stuff like bend spoons.

My son Noah thinks I have PK.  Not the harmless kind. Not the kind that amuses people at parties. Noah thinks I have an energy field that bends and twists the inner workings of any computer I ever touch.

The folks at Advanced Network Systems has even given the condition a name. It's called Telekinetic Telepathic Technologism.

Advanced Network Systems even has a test on their website that you can take to see if you have this condition.

Does YOUR Computer Know What You're Thinking?
Try this simple test:

1.	Think of a number between 1 and 10.
2.	Double that number.
3.	Add 8 to the result.
4.	Divide that number by 2.
5.	And finally, subtract your original number from the result.
6.	Take that number, and think of the corresponding letter in the alphabet. (For example, 1=A, 2=B, etc.)
7.	Think of a country that starts with that letter.
8.	Think of the next letter in the alphabet.
9.	Think of an animal that starts with that letter.
10.	Think of the color of that animal.
11.	to see if the computer knows what you're thinking

It's been exactly one week since Jalopy was put to rest and I became the proud owner of HP Widescreen laptop with the $200 rebate.

On Thursday, after three days of non-eventful computing, I had a moment of nostalgia. It occurred to me that Jalopy had been source of numerous posts on this blog and that with his demise I was losing a very rich source of storytelling.

That was Thursday morning. By Thursday evening, HP  widescreen laptop  had its first official crash. It froze and the only way I could reboot was by physically taking the battery out.

On Friday, it crashed again, and that black page popped up -- the one I had become so familiar with during Jalopy's days recommending to restart in 'safe mode'.

Maybe there is a rationale explanation. For now I'm sticking with PK.

Meanwhile, Noah has asked me to keep my hands of his DELL.