Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line: FunnyBusiness

No More Shopping Til We Drop

From the Star Tribune  story about the precipitous drop in consumer spending.

The most unsettling element in the GDP data was the 3.1 percent drop-off in consumer spending, which makes up more than two-thirds of economic activity. An outright reduction in such spending is rare: The last time there was a consumer-spending decline was a 0.3 percent dip in 1991, and the last time it fell more came in 1980, as the nation was heading into a lengthy recession.

Who Knew Coke Cola Doubles As Cleaning Agent

It's been a couple of years since I gave up drinking "Pop".  After reading this entry on a forum offering  recommendations on how to clean a coffee carafe,,I'm very glad I gave up my two can Diet Coke habit.

When I worked at a restaurant and the coffee carafe got dirty, we filled it with Coke and let it sit for about 30mins. No scrubbing necessary!

Turns out there's an entire blog post dedicated to 34 different uses for a can of Coke. Here are two of my favorites.

13. Loosen Clogged Drains.
If your sink is draining slowly and you don't have any drain cleaner in the house, pour a 2-liter bottle of cola down the drain and let the acids go to work on the clog.

34. Shell Hard Boiled Eggs.
Apparently, if you soak hard boiled eggs in Coke the shells will dissolve, eliminating the need to actually have to peel them.

The list also includes cure for constipation, diarrhea,ease a sore throat and strip dye from your hair. If that isn't enough to give you pause....

Is The 12 Year old McDonald's Hamburger Real or Urban Legend?

  Growing up, my daughter Berit loved McDonald's Chicken Nugget Happy Meals. She ate a lot of them.
That ended in  2004 after she watched  Morgan Spurlock's  documentary SuperSize Me.
The exact scene that ended Berit's love affair with Chicken Nuggets involved month old french fries.Spurlock decided to save the french fries to see what would happen and after a month or so they had not started decomposing.

What Spurlock didn't know at the time that there was someone else running experiments on McDonald's foods. In 1996, Karen  Hanrahan, a wellness educator and nutrition consultant  says  she bought a McDonald's hamburger and saved it.

Today, she uses that prepubescent burger as a prop for her lecture on eating nutritious food.

Note that it looks exactly like it did the very day I bought it.

The flecks on the burger are crumbs from the bun.

The burger is starting to crumble a bit.

It has the oddest smell.

The paper and bag in the backround is circa 2008 - to add decor to the photo. My friend Robyn's idea.

The 12 -year old burger quickly became an online sweetheart--crashing Ms. Hanrahan's site. And with all that attention it's not surprising that McDonalds is fighting back.

McDonald’s, however, discredits the validity of Hanrahan’s experiment. “[The post] is completely unsubstantiated and appears to be nothing more than another urban legend,” says McDonald’s USA spokesperson Danya Proud, in a statement to Too Shy to Stop. “McDonald’s hamburger patties are made with 100% USDA-inspected ground beef, cooked and prepared with salt, pepper and nothing else, no preservatives, no fillers.”

Is there a plausible explanation that will not gross out consumers? Laryssa Wirstiuk from Too Shy To Stop interviewed a former professor of Food Science from Rutger's University.

Thomas J. Montville, PhD, former Chairman of the Department of Food Science at Rutgers University and current Professor, is not convinced that Hanrahan’s experiment proves anything about the food’s origins, nutritional value, or safety.

“Cooking kills bacteria, and the result is a sterile hamburger,” says Dr. Montville. “McDonald’s has one of the most stringent food safety programs in the industry, and they cook their meat thoroughly.”

In addition, Dr. Montville observes that Hanrahan’s hamburger lacks fresh ingredients like lettuce or tomato. Without moisture, mold may not grow, but the hamburger fat will spoil and emit a strong odor.

“I think it smells a lot like a dead tortilla, with rancid oil and corn,” says Hanrahan.

Hanrahan dismisses the criticism of her experiment saying that the reason the hamburger has not visibly decomposed is,
" preservatives, processing, and the cows’ diet of genetically modified corn." She has added an FAQ to the blog and shares that no she did not freeze it and that she was inspired to do the experiment after hearing someone had saved a Hostess Twinkie for five years..

So who do you believe? Hanrahan, the photo, or McDonalds and the Food Science Professor?

  To Mary Hunt and In Women We Trust
Image Credit: Best of Mother Earth

ABC Executives Told To Stay In " B" Hotels

In  sharing the new policy. ABC News President David Westin, assured executives that TRAVEL knows what a B hotel means...hmmm .I'm not familiar with the A, B, C or D ratings for hotels.
Who uses that rating system? Certainly not hotels. They go by STARs.

So if A =five stars, then ABC execs are being told they have to stay in four star hotels? Most people still consider a four star hotel a luxury hotel.

Let's see the listings. What hotels exactly qualify for the A list and at what kinds of establishments will the execs being staying at when they slum at the B hotels.
. While we're at it, which executives at ABC are being asked to join the B list?

It would be so much easier if ABC simply told their executives how much they can spend per diem for travel. That way, the executives could go on Hotline or Priceline and put in bids to stay at luxury hotels.

It's not just luxury hotels that ABC is asking employees to give up, they are also being asked to voluntarily fly one grade below what their contract entitles them to --welcome to my world--- and all print subscriptions to magazines and newspapers will be canceled. And of course, no holiday party this year.

The New York Observer has contents of the entire email

Newspapers vs. The Associated Press. Can This Marriage Be Saved

In addition to learning that Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage is over, lovers of American newspapers are trying to sort out what it will mean to have a  newspaper sans The Associated Press.  The marriage appears to be ending for the same reasons most marriages end -- money and infidelity.

Officially it's about the money. Newspapers are saying the fees that the Associated Press is charging is simply too much.

But editors and publishers at some other papers have become vocal critics of the way The A.P. operates, saying that it charges more than they can afford, delivers too little of what they need and — particularly galling to them — is sometimes acting as their competitor on the Internet.

“They seem to have forgotten that they are there to serve us,” said Benjamin J. Marrison, editor of The Dispatch.
                                                                                                           The New York Times

But, it's never just about the money. No, it seems that The Associated Press is guilty of infidelity and that mistress is The Internet.

The A.P. recently introduced an ad-supported mobile Internet service, fed by its own work and that of newspapers in the tagging program. To some newspaper executives, the mobile service looks like a bid by The A.P. to make money from their work — and to compete with the papers’ own mobile services.

To say the AP is an institution in the reporting biz  is an understatement.They created the bible known as the AP Stylebook. Check out most reporters desks and you will find a copy, or bookmark link, of the stylebook close by. But even the stylebook may not be enough to save this marriage which began in 1846.

The AP is a cooperative owned by its contributing newspapers, radio and television stations in the United States, which both contribute stories to the AP and use material written by its staffers. Many newspapers and broadcasters outside the United States are AP subscribers, paying a fee to use AP material without being contributive members of the cooperative.
                                                                                                                                         Wikipedia

For their part, the newspapers are saying they can survive just fine without the AP. They cite Reuters and Bloomberg news services . Oh yeah, and could they find new partners in blogs.

The Lipstick Effect

Economists have long recognized that when lipstick sales go up, its a good sign the economy is on the skids. It even has the name --"The Lipstick Effect." While no one is debating the current state of our economy what is not known is just how good lipstick sales will be.

The theory is that during a recession or difficult economic times, women will buy small items rather than big ticket items. As a woman, I have to say, this makes total sense. If you can't afford to buy that cute dress, getting a new lipstick, mascara or any new bronzer will make you feel better. It may not be the dress, but you still get to take home something new, that will make you feel wonderful.

Here's a definition I found...

lipstick effect n. During a recession, the tendency for consumers to purchase small, comforting items such as lipstick rather than large luxury items.
                                                                                                                    Ms. Rancier's Mia Mariu

Some recent surveys in the UK indicate that women would rather cut back on food than their favorite cosmetics. For more on how the beauty care industry is doing in the recession, check out my post on BlogHer.

Credit Default Swaps And The Woman Who Created Them - Blythe Masters

Now that the economic tsunami seems to be abated --at least for the time being- it's time for the cleanup. And, like anyone who has had to assess the damage of a tornado, earthquake, hurricane--name your natural disaster-- it's also time to try to figure out what the Hell just happened.

It's called Credit Default Swaps...sometimes referred to as CDS but when you search that on Google you just get stuff for the other CDs - think music, think banks. CDS has not reached national lexicon status just yet --but they will because the 10 year old Credit Default Swap is what made the global economy come tumbling down.

As someone whose eyes begin rolling to the back of my head whenever economists start jabbering about financial instruments it has been particularly challenging to get my head around Credit Default Swaps.  But... I have and may I say that if I can get a basic understanding of Credit Default Swaps..just about anyone can too.

From my post on Credit Default Swaps at BlogHer.

From  HowStuffWorks :

Imagine that you could purchase your friend Jimmy's health insurance policy from the company that issued it. Everything's going smoothly; you're raking in the dough as Jimmy makes his monthly payments. But things take a sudden turn for the worse after Jimmy's legs are crushed in a car wreck. Jimmy can't afford the healthcare costs, but luckily he's insured -- by you.

You find nothing but cobwebs in your savings account and realize that you can't pay for Jimmy's health care. Jimmy's still insured (he's faithfully made his premium payments), so who pays the hospital bills? The insurance company sold the policy to you, and you owned it when Jimmy's accident happened. You were caught with the hot potato.

 

Jimmy's hospital realizes his insurer won't cover his costs and releases him, but he still requires care. So Jimmy sues you to pay up, but you just blew all of your money completing your collection of Pat Boone albums, which suddenly doesn't seem like such a good investment. Even worse, a trove of Boone's albums was discovered in the estates of some recently deceased collectors, and the market value of your collection plummets. You sell the collection for half of what you paid for it and put it toward Jimmy's health care costs, but it's a drop in the bucket. Ultimately, you're forced to declare bankruptcy.

Whenever there is a disaster, there is a natural inclination to try to find someone to blame. Usually, there isn't one person or one set of events. So when I went investigating to learn who, if anyone, we could blame for this mess, I really didn't think that Google would grace me with a name -- but it did. Her name is Blythe Masters--she came up with the idea when she was just 34 years old.

NC Painter found an article written by Ms. Masters in 1997 where she explains her concept -- this is where my eyes roll --but maybe you'll have better luck.  There are two parts that I understand. Ms Masters projected at the beginning of the article that,

Five years hence, commentators will look back to the birth of the credit derivatives market as a watershed development for bank credit risk management practice. Credit derivatives will fundamentally change the way banks price, manage, transact, originate, distribute and account for credit risk.

She got that wrong. It was more like ten years and yes commentators are looking at the birth of the credit derivatives market as a watershed --but not for the reasons Ms. Masters envisioned. And my favorite part of the very short article was the last line

By enhancing liquidity, credit derivatives achieve the financial equivalent of a free lunch, whereby both buyers and sellers of risk benefit from the associated efficiency gains."

If only she had read science fiction writer Robert Heinlein, who introduced all of us to the idea in 1966 in his novel,The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, that when it comes to the economy, there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Financial Crisis Humor Making Its Way Through Email- Do You Know The Real Meaning Of a Market Correction?

According to an email making the rounds, a Market Correction is the day after you buy stocks.  In case your email filters prevent these humor emails from making it to your inbox, here is some very dark humor regarding the current state of finance.

BULL MARKET -- random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
 
BEAR MARKET -- 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
 
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
 
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
 
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
 
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
 
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
 
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
 
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
 
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
 
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
 
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
 
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
 
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a outhouse.
 
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

******************************************

I would add 'CONGRESS-- A collection of cons who vote.'

to Elaine Meinel Supkis of EZ Reading Money Matters for sharing the financial crisis humor email.

Revisiting Wall Street - Greed Is Good

It's been twenty years since Michael Douglas starred as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street. Thought today would be a good time to revisit his famous Greed Is Good Speech.

Which brings us to Richard Fuld, Jr. the former CEO of Lehman Bros who shared with a congressional committee yesterday that rumors that he had received nearly $500 million in compensation since 2000 were slightly exaggerated.

Mr. Fuld first took issue with the numbers, saying the accurate figure was probably less than $250 million. “The majority of my compensation came in stock and the vast majority of the stock that I got I still owned at the point of our filing,” referring to the firm’s bankruptcy filing. Mr. Fuld was once worth close to $1 billion and now has a net worth estimated at about $100 million. He and his wife have been forced to sell some of their renowned art collection.                                                                                                                         
                                                                                                                                                              NYTimes

The Reason Why Customer Service Training Rarely Works

It's not that companies don't invest millions of dollars providing their front line personnel with training.

It's not that employees aren't capable or--for that matter--willing to provide extraordinary customer service.

The breakdown occurs because companies do not reward superior customer service in the same way they reward a sales person who is successful in bringing in the business. Companies invest more in getting new business than in keeping the business they already have.

Take Lily* who happens to be my cousin. She worked in the airlines industry for nearly 3o years-- first as a travel agent and for the past 24 years as a counter agent for a major airlines. She received more "rose letters" from passengers who were just blown away by the effort she took to help them than any other employee in the north east corridor.

But last month the airlines offered Lily early retirement. It was a package with incentives. Lily did not want to take the package. She loved her job. But she really had not choice. And that's the problem.  Why would an airlines be willing to "retire" their best customer service employee when she didn't want to retire?

Because of process? Was anyone in management paying attention that they just let one of their best assets walk reluctantly out the door?

If there answer was their hands are tied and her number was up then where is the creativity? Why not offer her a different type of job to help them motivate, inspire and teach others to deal with customers the way she did?

The answer is clear -- the airlines just didn't care enough. They probably didn't even know who they let retire.

Customer service will never succeed unless a company walks the talk instead of allowing talent to walk out the door.

You can read more about Lily and her inspiring career at BlogHer which includes an encounter with Joan Rivers

*Lily is