FunnyBusiness: Everything About Business Except The Bottom Line

When did “NO” become a four-letter word?

Mary Ruth was laughing about the request. “Marketing is out of their minds. There’s no way we can do what they want us to do.”

“So,” I said, “what did you tell them?”

”I said what I always say―with unlimited resources and unlimited time, I can do what you want.”

“Why couldn’t you just say no?”(I never thought I’d be quoting Nancy Reagan, but there you have it.)
Without seeing the humor in my question, Mary Ruth spoke deliberately, as if she were explaining to a three-year old why the sky is blue. "That would be negative.”

“My answer,” explained Mary Ruth ,“gets the message across without me really saying I won’t do it.  Because I would do it under different circumstances,” said Mary Ruth earnestly.

Mary Ruth is not alone. Theresa, who works for a software company, also follows the rule that saying no to any request, to any department, at any time, is a definite “no-no.” So instead of the vile no, Theresa will say, “that’s going to be a very challenging project” or, “that’s an extremely aggressive schedule.” As she told me, “I would never say that something just isn’t possible – that would reflect badly on me.”

“In what way?”

“People might get the impression I’m not willing to meet their requests.”

It reminds me of a David Sedaris essay from his book, I Talk Pretty One Day, about his grade school experience of being forced to work with a speech therapist for his lisp. Sedaris writes that instead of working on the problem, he convinced his mother to buy him a Thesaurus.

Sedaris then used the Thesaurus to substitute problematic words with his own non-sibilant euphemisms. Instead of saying school, he said: learning academy. Please became: with your kind permission. And, instead of saying yes, he said: correct or affirmative. The therapist knew exactly what he was up to, but his teachers began complimenting him on his excellent vocabulary.

In many ways, that’s exactly how business operates. I once had a client who forbid any of the people in his department from saying or writing the word “problem." Before learning this rule I made the corporate mistake of asking a conference room full of people what their marketing problem was. It was a George Carlin moment. There was an audible gasp, people adverted their eyes, and I knew that I had said something terribly wrong.

To me, that’s a huge challenge/opportunity.  In too many companies the focus is not on what people are saying it’s on how they are saying it. Are they talking pretty? You bet they are. The use of corporate euphemisms is rampant.

In a study conducted in England, nearly 20% of workers said they felt compelled to use corporate lingo to keep pace with their colleagues ―even though they don't know what many of the words actually mean .In this country, experts say, that number probably tops 80%.

A couple of years ago, the Credit Union Executives Society’s newsletter ran a lead article entitled “ Never say No.” .Now, in all fairness to the author, his point was that companies need to truly find solutions, rather than automatically saying no to a customer or coworker’s request.

But, like so many things, most organizations miss the point. Instead of focusing on the real message— about customer service—most organizations don’t get past the headline. All they see is “Never Say No”, and they take it literally. It seems that faster than you can shoot off a group email “No” has become a four-letter word.

Speaking in euphemistic code is an essential fabric of corporate life. There is a real belief that as long as it sounds positive people will feel positive --even when the real message is negative.

In an era of Reality TV you would think that Corporate America could start speaking realistically.  What so many corporations don’t seem to realize is that corporate euphemisms can undermine trust, not build it. People are so busy trying to interpret the code that they are never quite sure what the real message is. And that can create some cranky employees.

To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, No is a No is a NO, and couching it in pretty talk doesn’t change it to yes, correct, or affirmative.

NOTE: Mary Ruth and Theresa are real people who work in real corporations. They asked to change their names to protect their jobs. Theresa does not work for a software company and requested we change the industry sector to further protect her identity.

If you have a story that you would like to share, I'd love to chat with you!

 

D1-2K aka The No Name Decade.

It's 2004 . 2005 is almost around the corner and we still don't have a name for this decade. What's more, it doesn't seem to bother folks much. But not having a name for this decade is a problem business will need to address sooner, rather than later. Okay, it may not have the importance of Sarbenes Oxley but it has wide social implications.

You'd think the people at Time Life Records would be concerned. They make a bunch of money promoting music of the '60s,'70s and so on.

I called them. They acted as if I were from a different planet saying that "No, they weren't concerned that the decade didn't have a name."

"But how are you going to market music of this decade, if it doesn't have a name?" I asked.

The guy I was talking to said it wasn't his job ,adding that he didn't have time to talk.
I also called some local radio stations asking if it was becoming a problem for them. So far, being able to say they play  the music of the '80s, 90s and Today seems to be working for them.

It's not working for me. I want this decade to have a name.  Sure, I can write a sentence that compares the ‘90s to the ‘00s  It's just that I don't know what word to give to the '00s. Is it  The Oh’s? The Uh-Ohs?The aughts? The o-zone? The double naughts? It’s doubtful that people think of any of them. It’s  like   
the symbol we were supposed to use for the artist formerly known as Prince. It meant nothing to most of us.

This decade deserves better. While wannabe sloganeers have valiantly tried to come up with a name that “sticks”, to date, the choices have as much stickiness as Britney Spear’s first marriage. Congratulations Britney on marriage #2.

The problem, of course, is that none of those names are cool. The  first decade of the millennium, needs a cool name. Cool names are evidently hard to come by.

That hasn’t stopped the British. While we are quite content to have a no-name decade, our allies across the pond have not only settled on a name, they’ve gotten the Oxford Dictionary Seal of Approval. The decade, according to Oxford, is called “Noughties.” The dictionary defines Noughties as: the decade between 2000-2009. ORIGIN: 1990s: from NOUGHT on the pattern of the twenties, thirties, etc.

The term is popping up in British periodicals. In 2000, Helen Stewart ,writing about fashion for The Scotsman in Edinburgh, Scotland had an article with this headline: “Noughties but nice.” The article went on to say, “the 1990s and the Noughties have yet to stamp their fashion identities on the global consciousness.”

In 2001, M2 Presswire, included an article about MP3 players that said, “After the Walkman in the Eighties and the Discman in the Nineties, the Personal JukeBox is set to revolutionise portable music in the Noughties.”

In September 2003, the Daily Telegraph in London reported on a survey that indicated people are happier than they were 15 years ago. Despite that ,the article goes on to say the survey of happiness found, “The Noughties generation do still get down from time to time; a lack of time and money, unruly children, untidy houses and the Government can all wipe the smiles from people's faces.”

Americans  are as likely to call this decade "The Noughties" as they are to describe a perfect summer day as 29 ° celsius.

First, we need a cool name. The problem is we've been trying to come up with a name that worked with the decades of the past century. Get over it. We're in the 21st century now and need a 21st century name.   Something that has the appeal of Y2K.

Y2K was an enormously successful name. Looks good in print. Plays well in a sound bite. It’ s got a good beat.  So why not, as some have advocated, call this decade D1-2K--thats decade one , 2000.

In a generation that is creating the IM language, D1-2K fits in just swell. More than that, D1-2K has gravitas.
Those other choices: the uh-ohs, the o-zones, the double naughts are just plain silly. If D1-2K  capture the media’s imagination as quickly as the word gravitas did back in 2000, this entire nameless era will be over in a matter of days.

The gravitas phenomenon is legendary. Not your run of the mill vocab word, gravitas became an overnight vernacular sensation after some reporter, somewhere, said Bush added Cheney to the ticket for “gravitas.”

The media couldn’t resist.  Soon media pundits were repeating gravitas ad nauseam. That’s what we need now—the gravitas effect.

Where better for that to happen than in a blog?  If bloggers can help bring down CBS Anchor Dan Rather, than surely they can play a role in naming this decade.

Blind Copy: Do you BCC emails?

“As far as I’m concerned it’s just a form of executive tattletaling,” spewed a very unhappy Angela. Earlier in the week, one of her colleagues sent an email accusing Angela of not helping on a project. Besides the fact that there was no truth to the accusation, the colleague sent Blind Copies (BCCs) of the defamatory email to Angela’s boss, Angela’s boss’s boss and the boss of Angela’s boss’s boss.

“Sounds like there’s a whole lot of BCCing going around your office.”

“Always,” said an exasperated Angela. “It’s the ultimate CYA,and when you BCC in our office, you cover it wide,” said Angela.

So how common is it for people to send evil blind copies to the powers that be? Hard to tell, but Joan’s office must have had a problem with blind copies because that email function has been disabled throughout her entire office.

“Of course,” Joan said, “If I really wanted to send the email to other people I could simply forward it to them. Turning off the BCC function really wouldn’t be a deterrent to spreading or sharing malicious emails.”

BCC stands for Blind Carbon Copy. The invention of carbon paper...that black or blue stuff that we used to put in between sheets of paper to make copies— is credited to two separate individuals — an Englishman and an Italian . Both invented their version of carbon paper in the early 1800’s ...and both invented the carbon paper for machines to help the blind or partially sighted.

Today the BCC is the Jekyll and Hyde of electronic mail. Used correctly, it can actually protect people. Used incorrectly, it can destroy.  “Let’s say you are one of 70 people that I’m inviting to a party. By sending the invitation as a BCC to everyone, I protect your email address from 69 other people,”said email expert Ducky Sherwood. “That’s using BCC for a good purpose.”

There is one serious security problem in the BCC feature. Evidently, BCC addresses are removed from the email only at the destination email server. That means that if an addresses has their own on-site email service, or can access it, they can, if they want, examine the BCC addresses on every email they receive.

Using my trusty electronic survey tool, SurveyMonkey, I asked people in my Outlook address book to weigh in on the BCC issue. Clearly, Angela is in the minority. Almost 90% of people indicated they liked having the BCC function for such mundane tasks as keeping certain individuals up to date on a situation without requiring a separate  conversation.

Said one respondent, “It saves time. With a BCC you do not need to send a separate email explaining the issue or forward as a second  step.”

Another respondent said, “I use the BCC when I am sending a copy to myself, or when I am sending a response to a client and other members of the work team who the client does not know should be informed of my message.  I also use the BCC when I am concerned about a position that I have taken and want my supervisor to be aware of what I have said, however, the person receiving the message does not know my supervisor.”

None of these arguments impress  Angela who is still trying to clean up the damage  from the BCC’d  email “ It doesn’t matter what you say, once it gets into print, it has an air of truth about it.”

As far as Angela is concerned, the disadvantages of the BCC outweigh any advantages. “ BCC is a great tool for gutless whiners who lack the capacity for eye-contact, direct confrontation or human involvement. If the “e” in e-mail is for “evil’, the ‘b’ in bcc is for ball-less.’

As in most situations of this nature, the real problem isn’t that a co-worker sabotaged her electronically; the real problem is that Angela’s management allows it to happen. While Angela may never send a BCC for the rest of her life, her management should make sure that co-workers don’t do it either when it’s for nefarious purposes.  The reality is being upset with the BCC function is kind of like killing the messenger.

NOTE: The names of Angela and Joan have been changed to protect their privacy and their jobs! If you have a work story you'd like to share, send me an email. I want to share your story.