The Office Bio-Break: Why women avoid the office bathroom

Nowhere are the differences between men and women more evident than in their attitudes toward taking a "bio- break." A male worker will fold a newspaper under his armpit, announce to anyone within earshot that he's going down the hall, and then strut down the walkway like a matador going into the ring to conquer the bull. Twenty minutes later, he will re-emerge, victorious.

You'll never see a woman with a folded newspaper under her arm. In fact, as far as most women are concerned, they'd just as soon you think that they never need to take a bio-break - of any kind.

Kathy takes this to an extreme - rarely taking a bio-break at all. Kathy, her friend Lynn and I were having after-work margaritas, when Kathy excused herself rather suddenly, saying she hadn't been to the restroom all day. When she returned, she explained she has bashful bladder syndrome. People with this condition have difficulty using public restrooms. For Kathy, it was primarily work-related. Kathy's bladder may be bashful, but she's not bashful when it comes to discussing what it's like to work when you have this syndrome.

"For starters, I don't drink any liquids at work. I get all my liquid requirements after 6 p.m.," said Kathy, sipping her margarita.

"You don't drink anything all day?" I was thinking about my double-shot low-fat cappuccino with a half shot of sugar-free vanilla, followed by numerous glasses of water, tea and more coffee. "Don't you get thirsty?"

"I've trained myself," Kathy replied.

"You must need to take a bio-break sometimes!"

"On those rare occasions, I make sure to check out the shoes. If I recognize any of them - and especially if I spot my boss's shoes - I just leave."

"What do you do if you're already in the stall, and you see a pair of shoes that you recognize?"

"I stop what I'm doing and wait for them to leave."

I didn't have the heart to tell Kathy that after she has kids, the ability to stop the action in midstream will be a bit more challenging.

Turning to Lynn, I asked, "Do you have bio-break rituals?"

"I do prefer to have a vacant stall in between me and anyone else in there. . .Oh!" she added, "I do have one more ritual. When I see the shoes of someone I don't like, and they become very quiet when I walk in the bathroom, I deliberately take my time. I comb my hair, put on make-up - anything to make them suffer."

Over the next week, I talked to a lot of people about bio-breaks. Women, on the whole, take great lengths to avoid using a public restroom for anything that could create noises or odors. Those are strictly at-home activities. In those rare instances when nature refuses to live by the 9-to-5 rule, women will go to a different floor, or better yet, the bathroom in the Oval Room at Marshall Field's.

This brings me back to my male counterparts. I wanted to know why they were so comfortable using public bathrooms, when women are so public bathroom-averse.
The men, I found, were not eager to discuss bio-breaks with me.

Josh, a former co-worker who I definitely remember as a paper-toting bio-breaker, adamantly denied ever taking a newspaper along for a bio-break. But he did share a very interesting bit of information: "I'm sure you're correct that a lot of men do read the paper in there, because there are always lots of newspapers on the floor."

"You know, Josh," I said, "there are no newspapers on the floor in a women's restroom. Ever."

Next, I asked my friend Ted. He, too, denied ever taking reading material along for a bio-break. "But," I probed, "aren't there newspapers on the floor already that you can read if you want to?"

"Well, yes, there are," he admitted, and then added thoughtfully, "but I don't think it's so much about reading as it is about having time alone."

"Time alone?" I asked; the concept is rather alien to many women.

"You know, the bathroom is one place where you know no one is going to bother you. No one is going to ask a question, pressure you, remind you that you have a deadline or that the budget is due."

The more guys I talked to, the more concurred with Ted.

That's when I realized that I may have judged men unjustly. What I thought I was observing might not be what I was observing at all. Carrying a newspaper down the hall may not be an act of male bravado. Instead, it could actually be an act of male vulnerability. I never imagined it was a guy's way of letting the rest of us know that he needed to spend some time in his safe place.

Image Credit: Flickr member Strph  Image added August 2007.

Note: The names have been changed to protect the privacy of our bio-breakers.

Have a story?  I want to hear it! The success of this blog depends on people sharing their stories-- so whether its a boss, co-worker, corporate policy or just general corporate nonsense, let me hear from you --your identity and the identity of your place of employment will be protected.  The goal is to tell the story, not get anyone fired.

 

Comments

[Nancy]

Oh, dear, now I know I'm an outlier. I think it started when I was pregnant and sometimes I would burst out and say "Excuse me, I gotta pee." There was no alternative - time was usually of the essense with an 8lb baby pressing down on your bladder!

I think it also has to do with the fact that I spent 7 years working in an organization devoted to maternal and child health. This ties in to the "lines for the bathroom" theme that came up at MCH conferences. We'd have to commandeer the mens room. When I moved to high tech in 1996 and went to my first Comdex, I was struck by two things. Most of the women on the floor (very few) were models used by vendors to attract men to their booths. And there was NO LINE for the bathroom. I despised the fact that there were few women in the industry. But I secretly took glee at seeing the men lining up for the bathroom, with their serpentine extending far out of the washrooms. Potty parity, eh?

[DHaygeman]

Elana, These are well written, provocative and balanced on the razor's edge between delightful humor and bashing. But then you probably knew this already since people pay you to write and talk. Congratulations on getting this blog up and running in record time. You continue to inspire me.

Regards,

Dan H.

[Yvonne DiVita]

Elana,
Bravo...writing about a 'taboo' subject. I'm amazed at the women's responses...and surprised. But, I guess I shouldn't be. It continues to amaze me when the men in my life openly announce their intention to take care of nature's call, and sometimes even leave the bathroom door open...but I've gotten used to it. Men have no shame when it comes to these things. I don't envy them for it, nor do I blame them. I'm looking forward to more posts from you.

[Michele Miller]

Bravo, Elana, and welcome to the flock! I know what you mean about being a little blog-phobic... let me assure you that it fortunately becomes an addiction. The blogosphere is a tremendous community of creative thinkers, and I'm looking forward to reading your posts in the future.

[Terri]

Great article. You have brought this issue to mind with such clarity that I found myself embarrased just reading it. I concur that this practice definately divides down gender lines! I look forward to reading more of your work!

[Jim O'Sullivan]

Not all men do the Matador thing, believe me. A lot of guys get bashful bladder, too. These are the guys who won't use the urinal when someone else is in the loo, so they have to use one of the stalls. I don't know how much information is too much here, but you know how guys leave the seat up at home? Well, they leave it down at the office. They don't want to touch it, because they're afraid of germs. One bad aim by a bashful kidney type using a stall for number one, and it's out of commisssion for the rest of the day. Anyway, my point is, guys have lavaratory issues, too.

[Steve]

I read on the John, not sure why I enjoy it but hey I do, at work or at home. I do try to hide what ever I'm going to read when I walk in though. Don't like doing #2 in any public rest room.

As far as something that I observed about womens practices. I worked for a small company and the door of the ladies room was in my office. It was a strange layout. So I could hear any sounds that would come from there. Every single woman at my work, when they used the rest room, would turn on the faucet as soon as they went in. It would run the entire time that they were in the rest room. I guessed they did this to hide the sound of tinkeling.

[Jim O'Sullivan]

Holy Christmas! I just realized that this post is a year old! I mean, it was an interesting read, but, gee, I didn't know that Carnival of the Vanities recognizes no time limits.

[D.M.]

it's true: for us men, the stall is a nice, quiet place to take a break. not a long break mind, you, but one that won't be interrupted by chat. i have no problem being spotted walking in/out of the batthroom. (and in my workplace -- a newsroom -- carrying a newspaper hardly tags you!) the only squeamishness might come when i see the person exiting the stall i'm about to enter. and the seat is still warm. it's preferable to pretend no one has visited this clean, sweet stall...

[Edgar]

I totally disagree with women being timid about bio-breaks. If this was the case then explain why they always have to go to the bathroom in pairs ! at the malls, restaurants, theatres, clubs, parties, ...etc.